I just finished an amazing book entitled “Still Alice.” It chronicles an intellectually gifted 51 year old women’s descent into early onset Alzheimer’s disease. I highly recommend this book; it is poignant and eloquently written and made me very grateful that I have breast cancer. At least if this disease takes my life I will know who I am and recognize those I love until the very end. Never will I lose myself in this disease. My name is Patty and I have cancer, but cancer is not who I am. I will never be my cancer. I will not let it embody my soul or rob my spirit. I may be in the fight for my life, but I still have the ability to enjoy every moment of every day and am fully cognizant of the blessings in my life and the adversary I face. For that, I am grateful.
I had an extremely long day at the cancer center today. I started with a visit to see Dr. Rado where he informed me that I am good a candidate for radiation. He sent me to visit with Dr. Rege (radiation oncologist) to discuss my options for radiation and then back to Dr. Rado to discuss when to start my chemotherapy again.
Dr. Sheila Rege is a brilliant physician. She was my doctor four years ago and I am thrilled to have her on my care team again. She is kind, compassionate and extremely knowledgeable; as evidenced by her continued tenure as a faculty member at UCLA medical school. She reviewed my scans with me identifying the seven lesions currently on my posterior (back) ribs. Perfectly symmetrical on the 9th and 10th ribs on both the right and left sides and then the ladder of three additional lesions on the 6th, 7th and 8th left ribs, which could be considered vertically symmetrical. Very unusual. I am only experiencing pain in the 9th and 10th ribs, and those are three of the original lesions and are currently the biggest and most defined lesions. So these lesions will be our main area of focus. Radiation is used mostly to alleviate pain. In addition to easing the pain, it will kill the cancer in those spots (we hope) which will strengthen the bone, mitigating the chance of a fracture due to the metastases. I will have 10 radiation treatments, hopefully starting next week. They will use electrons to minimize the impact on the peripheral tissue and focus the beam on the bones. There may be some minimal damage to the lower lobes of my lungs, but the risk is worth the potential benefits. They also want to radiate as little bone as possible to reduce the amount of bone marrow which will be lost. I need all the bone marrow I have to keep my blood levels up during the next rounds of chemo.
My physicians discussed with me the path forward, and felt that the best course of action would be to focus on the radiation for a few weeks, giving my body a little more time to strengthen and prepare for the next chemotherapy onslaught. So I will start the chemo to kill the rest of the cancer and bisphosphonates to strengthen my bones once the radiation is complete. We haven’t finalized the number of chemo treatments, but preliminarily we had discussed three rounds (six doses) and then perform another CT. I am not sure if we would do another bone scan at that time, but it would make sense to make sure it has not spread further into my bones.
So that is the plan as of today. Mike and I have discussed it at length and reviewed our concerns and questions with Dr. Rado and feel confident that this is the best course of treatment. I will go tomorrow to have additional imagining done at the cancer center so that the physicist can work with the physician to pinpoint the areas of radiation. Then I get to party for the weekend and ring in 2010 with the people I love!
Happy New Year! Cheers to a happy and healthy new year!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Lazy Days.
I love the lazy days following Christmas. When there is no work and no school and all the chaos and preparations are over. The wrapping paper has been tossed and the opened toys sit under the tree. I’ve been enjoying the time with my daughter, eating junk food and watching The Gilmore Girls. I got the entire series for Christmas, we are halfway through season one. I wish I was witty and quick like Lorelei Gilmore, I just love that character. Peyton and I enjoy the interaction between the Lorelei and Rory, it reminds us of us.
Its bitterly cold outside, only in the 20’s, so its been great here in front of the fireplace. I was hoping for snow on Christmas, but we just got the cold instead. Mike got me one of those one-cup coffee makers for Christmas, so I can enjoy a fresh cuppa coffee in front of the fire every morning. I am one of those people who only likes my coffee fresh. Once it has sat on the burner, yuk. So a one cupper is perfect for me. Mike also arranged for us to go back to our favorite B&B on the coast over Valentines day, in the same room we stayed in last valentines day. I can’t wait. Last year was the most perfect Valentines weekend ever, and we hope to recreate that again this year. We stayed in Arch Cape and spent time in Cannon Beach and Manzanita. As you all know, I love the coast. I wish I could live there and just watch the tides go in and out, the waves crashing on the sand, the fog rolling in every morning, the crisp air, it is the best place in the world. Now, I haven’t traveled the world, but even if I did, I cannot imagine a more perfect place.
Today is another day of rest and relaxation. Peyton’s boyfriend is back in town tomorrow, so today will be my last day to have her undivided attention. I love this time together, its days like these that make a life. Days spent with someone you love so much it brings tears to your eyes to just think about them. Maybe we will watch more Gilmore Girls as we look once again at her special gift, a photo album of her life up to now. She wants to add a few more pages and put together a legend of the people and places so 20-30-40 years from now when she forgets who and where, she’ll have a cheat sheet. Makes good sense to me!
This has been a perfect holiday, except for the one person who is missing from it all, my son. My heart breaks having him so close, yet so far away. When I go see him he is right there on the screen, and I can reach out, but I cannot touch him. I cannot hug him and tell him Merry Christmas, I can only tell him how much we miss him and how incomplete our holiday felt without him. I’ve been going to see him twice a week, if my health allows, and we have wonderful conversations about current events and the books he reads. He is apprehensive about the day when he gets out, February 14th, and what happens to him then. I am helping him to explore the options. There are a few halfway houses that help people who are just out of jail and there is a friend of the family who has offered to help. I want what is best for him and for him to be somewhere where he can have access to the tools he will need to succeed. It is hard for a felon to get a job, and he has to have a job to pay his fines to stay out of jail. I think he has learned his lesson, but he is in the midst of a deep dark hole, and I know it is overwhelming thinking about climbing out. I have encouraged him that only he can traverse his way out and it is going to take a lot of perseverance and determination, but I believe in him that he can succeed and will be a better person because of it. This type of thing is hard for this “instant gratification” generation. They are used to getting what they want NOW, so to have a challenge like this stretching before them that takes years and years to complete, it will be a test of his character and his strength. I truly believe he will be a better person when he finds his way out of the darkness and back into the light.
We are certainly facing our challenges here in the Taylor household. Peyton and I have discussed that we would like the black cloud that is hanging over our little family to move on out. I hope that the winds will pick up and blow away the storm and leave us with the refreshing post tempest brightness. We just have to make it through and there is brilliance waiting for us on the other side. Walk with us, a journey awaits.
Its bitterly cold outside, only in the 20’s, so its been great here in front of the fireplace. I was hoping for snow on Christmas, but we just got the cold instead. Mike got me one of those one-cup coffee makers for Christmas, so I can enjoy a fresh cuppa coffee in front of the fire every morning. I am one of those people who only likes my coffee fresh. Once it has sat on the burner, yuk. So a one cupper is perfect for me. Mike also arranged for us to go back to our favorite B&B on the coast over Valentines day, in the same room we stayed in last valentines day. I can’t wait. Last year was the most perfect Valentines weekend ever, and we hope to recreate that again this year. We stayed in Arch Cape and spent time in Cannon Beach and Manzanita. As you all know, I love the coast. I wish I could live there and just watch the tides go in and out, the waves crashing on the sand, the fog rolling in every morning, the crisp air, it is the best place in the world. Now, I haven’t traveled the world, but even if I did, I cannot imagine a more perfect place.
Today is another day of rest and relaxation. Peyton’s boyfriend is back in town tomorrow, so today will be my last day to have her undivided attention. I love this time together, its days like these that make a life. Days spent with someone you love so much it brings tears to your eyes to just think about them. Maybe we will watch more Gilmore Girls as we look once again at her special gift, a photo album of her life up to now. She wants to add a few more pages and put together a legend of the people and places so 20-30-40 years from now when she forgets who and where, she’ll have a cheat sheet. Makes good sense to me!
This has been a perfect holiday, except for the one person who is missing from it all, my son. My heart breaks having him so close, yet so far away. When I go see him he is right there on the screen, and I can reach out, but I cannot touch him. I cannot hug him and tell him Merry Christmas, I can only tell him how much we miss him and how incomplete our holiday felt without him. I’ve been going to see him twice a week, if my health allows, and we have wonderful conversations about current events and the books he reads. He is apprehensive about the day when he gets out, February 14th, and what happens to him then. I am helping him to explore the options. There are a few halfway houses that help people who are just out of jail and there is a friend of the family who has offered to help. I want what is best for him and for him to be somewhere where he can have access to the tools he will need to succeed. It is hard for a felon to get a job, and he has to have a job to pay his fines to stay out of jail. I think he has learned his lesson, but he is in the midst of a deep dark hole, and I know it is overwhelming thinking about climbing out. I have encouraged him that only he can traverse his way out and it is going to take a lot of perseverance and determination, but I believe in him that he can succeed and will be a better person because of it. This type of thing is hard for this “instant gratification” generation. They are used to getting what they want NOW, so to have a challenge like this stretching before them that takes years and years to complete, it will be a test of his character and his strength. I truly believe he will be a better person when he finds his way out of the darkness and back into the light.
We are certainly facing our challenges here in the Taylor household. Peyton and I have discussed that we would like the black cloud that is hanging over our little family to move on out. I hope that the winds will pick up and blow away the storm and leave us with the refreshing post tempest brightness. We just have to make it through and there is brilliance waiting for us on the other side. Walk with us, a journey awaits.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Love.
Love is the answer. What was the question?
What matters in this life? What is truly important? What heals us and takes away our pain? What brings us together? What carries us when we cannot take another step? What fills our cup? What is the only thing we can take with us when we pass to the next life?
Love. As I sat here on Christmas day, and looked into the faces of my family, of those people I love, I realized that they are what truly matters. Being with them, enjoying their company, laughing, sharing, caring, loving. If all the presents went away, the lights, the trees, the stockings and bows, as long as my family remained, then my day, my life, would be complete. Love is what carries us through each day. And I realized, as I face this illness which may very well take my life, that it is the love that I will take with me, it is the love that I will leave behind. My eulogy will not be filled with my accomplishments or my work ethic, I will be remembered for my acts of kindness, for sharing my deepest love with my family, with my friends and for showing that love to all those I come in contact with. It is the love that will fill me up and carry me to the other side, and it is the love that will I leave behind as my memory.
I say this not to be maudlin, or to fill your heart with heaviness, but to give you insight as you live your life into what is truly important and where your focus should rest. I am no giver of great wisdom, nor am I a philosopher, but I am in unique position that I would not wish upon any of you; while still very young I am facing my own mortality. When I look at my life and see my possible demise on the not so distant horizon, it makes me begin to really think about what matters in this life, and what I want to leave behind in this world when I travel to the next. The word that keeps coming back to me over and over again is love.
Love is the answer to all of your questions. Take it with you wherever you go. Leave it behind everywhere you pass through. For love is the one truth that cannot be denied.
My love I give to you, my love I leave with you. Take it with you through all your days and in all your travels. It will serve you well.
What matters in this life? What is truly important? What heals us and takes away our pain? What brings us together? What carries us when we cannot take another step? What fills our cup? What is the only thing we can take with us when we pass to the next life?
Love. As I sat here on Christmas day, and looked into the faces of my family, of those people I love, I realized that they are what truly matters. Being with them, enjoying their company, laughing, sharing, caring, loving. If all the presents went away, the lights, the trees, the stockings and bows, as long as my family remained, then my day, my life, would be complete. Love is what carries us through each day. And I realized, as I face this illness which may very well take my life, that it is the love that I will take with me, it is the love that I will leave behind. My eulogy will not be filled with my accomplishments or my work ethic, I will be remembered for my acts of kindness, for sharing my deepest love with my family, with my friends and for showing that love to all those I come in contact with. It is the love that will fill me up and carry me to the other side, and it is the love that will I leave behind as my memory.
I say this not to be maudlin, or to fill your heart with heaviness, but to give you insight as you live your life into what is truly important and where your focus should rest. I am no giver of great wisdom, nor am I a philosopher, but I am in unique position that I would not wish upon any of you; while still very young I am facing my own mortality. When I look at my life and see my possible demise on the not so distant horizon, it makes me begin to really think about what matters in this life, and what I want to leave behind in this world when I travel to the next. The word that keeps coming back to me over and over again is love.
Love is the answer to all of your questions. Take it with you wherever you go. Leave it behind everywhere you pass through. For love is the one truth that cannot be denied.
My love I give to you, my love I leave with you. Take it with you through all your days and in all your travels. It will serve you well.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Not the Christmas Wish I'd Hoped For
Well I didn’t get the Christmas present I was praying for, health. I had my bone scan on Tuesday and saw Dr. Rado today and the results of the scan were not what we were hoping. There are additional spots on my ribs, but some of them continue to be symmetrical. So I find that very Pattyesque, only I would have symmetrical cancer lesions on my ribs. This is a disturbing development, the cancer in my lungs is rapidly improving, but in the meantime, it is also spreading. So the chemo is working, but not enough from keeping it from developing elsewhere. Dr. Rado feels that this is just such a nasty cancer it is just going to rear its ugly head every chance it gets. So my future is filled with beating this back and continuing to give me the best life we can.
We don’t have a plan of action quite yet. Dr. Rado wants to consult with Dr. Geiver, a radiation oncologist, to see if I am a good candidate for radiation. If I am, then I will get radiation while continuing to get chemo and he will switch out one of my chemo drugs for a different drug that might work better of the bone metastases. I will also start on a 28 day regimen of a type of drug called bisphosphonates, which help to strengthen the bones and help prevent additional lesions. I will meet with Dr. Rado next Wednesday and start chemo and the bisphosphonates next Thursday. Radiation will be started shortly thereafter if it turns out that I am a good candidate. I hope so since that is just another weapon in the arsenal to beat this disease.
Until then, I enjoy the holidays with my family and give thanks for the incredible blessings that I have in my life. I may not have my health, but I can still enjoy everyday activities and the time with my family and friends. I am grateful that I can spend this time with them and look forward to many more Christmas days.
God blessings on you during this holiday. Give thanks for all you have. Each day, each moment, each person in your life is a very special gift.
We don’t have a plan of action quite yet. Dr. Rado wants to consult with Dr. Geiver, a radiation oncologist, to see if I am a good candidate for radiation. If I am, then I will get radiation while continuing to get chemo and he will switch out one of my chemo drugs for a different drug that might work better of the bone metastases. I will also start on a 28 day regimen of a type of drug called bisphosphonates, which help to strengthen the bones and help prevent additional lesions. I will meet with Dr. Rado next Wednesday and start chemo and the bisphosphonates next Thursday. Radiation will be started shortly thereafter if it turns out that I am a good candidate. I hope so since that is just another weapon in the arsenal to beat this disease.
Until then, I enjoy the holidays with my family and give thanks for the incredible blessings that I have in my life. I may not have my health, but I can still enjoy everyday activities and the time with my family and friends. I am grateful that I can spend this time with them and look forward to many more Christmas days.
God blessings on you during this holiday. Give thanks for all you have. Each day, each moment, each person in your life is a very special gift.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Cookies!
Christmas is quickly approaching and my daughter and I have entered the baking mode. She announced to me yesterday that she wants to make cookies and dipped pretzels. So we embarked on a successful shopping expedition to acquire all the necessary ingredients. In order to ensure that we had adequate energy to accomplish such a monumental task, immediately following our shopping expedition, we took nice long naps. Then we spent our Saturday night dipping pretzels and making cut out cookie dough. I ran out of energy prior to cutting out the cookies, and we left that task for today.
So today we are going to cut out and lavishly decorate sugar cookies, make some fabulous melt in your mouth meltaways and, if we have time, whip up some powdered sugar tea cakes. This is quite a treat. I don’t think my daughter has made cookies with me since she was in middle school! I enjoy her company so much!!
So, if you are in the neighborhood this week, stop by and have a cookie. I make a first rate cookie, and who doesn’t like a pretzel dipped in chocolate and more chocolate!!
I am slowly starting to feel better. I had my last neupogen shot yesterday, so hopefully in the next few days I’ll start getting my energy back again and feeling more like myself. I don’t know if my white count is going to hold this time, but will get my blood checked again on Christmas Eve when I see Dr. Rado. My shopping is just about done, a few more small things to buy and I still have all that wrapping to do! Wrapping to me is not a routine affair, I believe in decorating the packages and making them gorgeous and sparkling. I don’t have the decorating talent like my grandmother did; who decorated packages so pretty you didn’t want to open them, but I have my own little way of making them sparkle and shine.
I went to see my son yesterday and we had a very nice visit. It is so hard to see him in jail, but I think he is starting to learn his lesson. The hard part is going to be when he is released. He will be a felon with thousands of dollars in fines, no place to live and no job. He has definite challenges ahead of him and there are no programs or organizations out there to help prisoners reintegrate into society. And we wonder why there is such a high recidivism rate. It is not about rehabilitation it’s about retribution. Don’t even get me started on the shortcomings of our system of incarceration. It’s a majorly screwed up system designed to keep people in it, not turn them into productive members of society.
So…on to lighter, and happier, subjects. Enjoy these few days remaining before Christmas. I love this time as we build up with great anticipation to the big day. All the preparation and expectations. A time of love and forgiveness, of giving and receiving. A time of hope and redemption. Enjoy the season.
So today we are going to cut out and lavishly decorate sugar cookies, make some fabulous melt in your mouth meltaways and, if we have time, whip up some powdered sugar tea cakes. This is quite a treat. I don’t think my daughter has made cookies with me since she was in middle school! I enjoy her company so much!!
So, if you are in the neighborhood this week, stop by and have a cookie. I make a first rate cookie, and who doesn’t like a pretzel dipped in chocolate and more chocolate!!
I am slowly starting to feel better. I had my last neupogen shot yesterday, so hopefully in the next few days I’ll start getting my energy back again and feeling more like myself. I don’t know if my white count is going to hold this time, but will get my blood checked again on Christmas Eve when I see Dr. Rado. My shopping is just about done, a few more small things to buy and I still have all that wrapping to do! Wrapping to me is not a routine affair, I believe in decorating the packages and making them gorgeous and sparkling. I don’t have the decorating talent like my grandmother did; who decorated packages so pretty you didn’t want to open them, but I have my own little way of making them sparkle and shine.
I went to see my son yesterday and we had a very nice visit. It is so hard to see him in jail, but I think he is starting to learn his lesson. The hard part is going to be when he is released. He will be a felon with thousands of dollars in fines, no place to live and no job. He has definite challenges ahead of him and there are no programs or organizations out there to help prisoners reintegrate into society. And we wonder why there is such a high recidivism rate. It is not about rehabilitation it’s about retribution. Don’t even get me started on the shortcomings of our system of incarceration. It’s a majorly screwed up system designed to keep people in it, not turn them into productive members of society.
So…on to lighter, and happier, subjects. Enjoy these few days remaining before Christmas. I love this time as we build up with great anticipation to the big day. All the preparation and expectations. A time of love and forgiveness, of giving and receiving. A time of hope and redemption. Enjoy the season.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Reprimanded to Home, Again (sort of)
Well it’s another beautiful day in front of my fireplace with a cup of my Doma free-trade coffee, a homemade pumpkin scone (thanks to Angela) and a dog on my feet. Yes, I said ON not AT. Sophie sits on my feet. Gotta love that little 60 pound puppy. She keeps my feet warm.
I started to get out and about a little this week and have almost finished my Christmas shopping. I didn’t have that much to do anyway, so it was pretty minor trips to the store, mostly stocking stuffers. I found that yesterday I was starting to get my energy back and was beginning to feel like my old self again. It was a great feeling. We (mom, Mike and I) went and got our trees from Farmer’s Exchange, and I selected a beautiful tree. The family came over and we decorated it last night and now, it truly feels like Christmas.
Unfortunately, I had my blood work done yesterday and my white cells are
still not coming back and I am neutropenic again. So I am back on neupogen shots daily and we’ll check again next Thursday to see if the white count holds. I should be completely reprimanded to my home again, but I just can’t live like that all the time. I am being smart and staying away from crowds, but I had my family over last night, including my grandson (the germ monster) and basically said to heck with worrying about getting sick. I am so glad I did, it was wonderful to see that little guy again and to spend time with my family and decorate the tree. What a fantastic evening.
I started to get out and about a little this week and have almost finished my Christmas shopping. I didn’t have that much to do anyway, so it was pretty minor trips to the store, mostly stocking stuffers. I found that yesterday I was starting to get my energy back and was beginning to feel like my old self again. It was a great feeling. We (mom, Mike and I) went and got our trees from Farmer’s Exchange, and I selected a beautiful tree. The family came over and we decorated it last night and now, it truly feels like Christmas.
Unfortunately, I had my blood work done yesterday and my white cells are
still not coming back and I am neutropenic again. So I am back on neupogen shots daily and we’ll check again next Thursday to see if the white count holds. I should be completely reprimanded to my home again, but I just can’t live like that all the time. I am being smart and staying away from crowds, but I had my family over last night, including my grandson (the germ monster) and basically said to heck with worrying about getting sick. I am so glad I did, it was wonderful to see that little guy again and to spend time with my family and decorate the tree. What a fantastic evening. I did get really tired last night. I don’t know if it is because I just did too much yesterday or if it is a side effect of the neupogen shot, but I slept soundly except when I woke up at 3am with my bones aching and again at 6:30 to make sure my daughter was getting ready for school. I slept in to 9:30, so almost 12 hours. I certainly can sleep! I cannot blame my poor blood counts on a lack of sleep. I get more than my share of sleep every night these days!
So today I focus on finishing my daughter’s present. I have a physical therapy appointment at 3pm (to work on the lymphedema in my arm) and then I’m picking Jessie up from day care and Peyton and I will hang out with him for a few hours until his mommy gets off work. I have no major plans for the weekend except to wrap presents and enjoy the company of my daughter. Her boyfriend is gone for the holidays, so I really have her undivided attention for Christmas!! I have cards for my friends at the office, but since there are a few people there who are sick, I will probably have Mike deliver them for me and I’ll try to get in to see everyone after the holidays. I really miss my friends at the office.
I’m going to see my son tomorrow, even though the jail is certainly not the best place for me to be. I’m going to take Lysol wipes and wipe down the phone and counter where I sit. You don’t actually see the person face to face, it is all via video monitors. It is almost Christmas and I don’t know if they have visitation next week on his regular visitation day because of the holidays, so I want to make sure he sees a friendly face, the face of someone who loves him, for Christmas. There is not a lot I can do for him, I got him a subscription to the newspaper, which was something he really wanted, and I have ordered him a few books. Other than that, all I can do is tell him that I love him and keep praying for him.
So for Christmas I want my bone marrow to start working again. If you are praying for me, pray for healthy bone marrow. I see Dr. Rado next week and we will decide when I start chemo again. Given the difficulties I have had this round, I don’t know if I’ll be starting up the week after Christmas or if we are going to have to wait a few more weeks. Part of me wants to get started and get it over with and part of me wants to wait and give my body a little more time to regenerate. I guess I’ll leave that decision up to the wisdom of my doctor. I know he has my best interests in his heart.
So, as you prepare for the holidays, think of the intangible things that are in your life that you should be thankful for. When I start thinking of all the beautiful things that grace my life, I realize that my cup is not just full, it overflows, spilling down the side and running off the table. I am so blessed it is without measure. And so, I believe, are you. Just take a moment to realize it.
God bless.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Still Resting!
I was allowed out for a little while yesterday, as long as I was “smart” about it, staying away from big crowds and sick people. I spent most off the day working on a special present I am doing for my daughter, which I won’t discuss here just in case she decides to read my blog. I took a trip to the bank and stopped by Target late in the afternoon, and I am definitely going to have to ease back into activity. Just those few errands left me feeling totally exhausted and ready for a nap. Wow. I am really a wimpy weenie!!
I am just amazed at the toll that this round of chemo has taken on me. Thank goodness it was right before a break; I don’t think I could take another round right now, no matter how many transfusions they gave me. There is a cumulative affect of chemo and there were six rounds preceding this one, and each one did get progressively more difficult culminating in this final awful round that has left me lying in the dirt. I wonder if I’ll ever be the same again.
It has opened my eyes that I need to really focus on my health and let go of everything else in my life that is not a priority. If I don’t survive this battle, nothing will matter anyway, so focusing on my health certainly makes sense. I’m sleeping a lot and not worrying about cleaning or laundry or anything. I told my daughter she can do the laundry when she gets out of school on Friday and Davidson and Susan Wood have hired Merry Maids to come and clean my house over the holidays, so I can just sit back and enjoy this time in front of my fireplace. My only worry is running out of propane.
Christmas will come whether or not presents are purchased or stockings are filled. I watched that great classic “The Grinch That Stole Christmas” the other night and it reminded me that it’s not about the presents anyway. It’s about the birth of Christ. It’s about celebrating our redemption. It’s about spending time with the ones we love and holding tight to those people. It’s about standing heart to heart and hand to hand.
Those Whos are sure smart little critters!!
I am just amazed at the toll that this round of chemo has taken on me. Thank goodness it was right before a break; I don’t think I could take another round right now, no matter how many transfusions they gave me. There is a cumulative affect of chemo and there were six rounds preceding this one, and each one did get progressively more difficult culminating in this final awful round that has left me lying in the dirt. I wonder if I’ll ever be the same again.
It has opened my eyes that I need to really focus on my health and let go of everything else in my life that is not a priority. If I don’t survive this battle, nothing will matter anyway, so focusing on my health certainly makes sense. I’m sleeping a lot and not worrying about cleaning or laundry or anything. I told my daughter she can do the laundry when she gets out of school on Friday and Davidson and Susan Wood have hired Merry Maids to come and clean my house over the holidays, so I can just sit back and enjoy this time in front of my fireplace. My only worry is running out of propane.
Christmas will come whether or not presents are purchased or stockings are filled. I watched that great classic “The Grinch That Stole Christmas” the other night and it reminded me that it’s not about the presents anyway. It’s about the birth of Christ. It’s about celebrating our redemption. It’s about spending time with the ones we love and holding tight to those people. It’s about standing heart to heart and hand to hand.
Those Whos are sure smart little critters!!
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