Monday, February 28, 2011


I have to admit it, I'm scared. I was hoping that Swedish would call today and give me some pre-procedure instructions and I finally called them and I have to say they weren't very helpful. No food or drink after midnight, as I suspected, but were they going to tell me that? They were also telling me that they will be giving me 1mg of ativan to keep me calm. A miligram of ativan? I take ativan every 4 hours to prevent seizures and nausea along with a whole host of other narcotics. One mg of ativan won't even take the edge off. I asked her if anyone had reviewed my file or medlist, and she said they would. She also asked if I have a medi-port, which I told her I did, she asked if I had a brochure so their IV team would know about it and how to access it. THEY DON'T KNOW HOW TO ACCESS A MEDIPORT?? Holy crap, what kind of hospital is this? I can't imagine a hospital who does this procedure all the time not knowing how to access my mediport. Swedish Neurosciences is supposed to be a premier and elite institution, this is basic cancer treatment stuff, we all have ports. I just hope I was talking to an ignorant nurse who doesn't understand how things work and doesn't know what she is talking about. But my conversation with her did not instill any confidence in me that they can do this procedure and all it entails. Mike and I are going to call again tomorrow on our way to Seattle and see if we can talk to someone who knows a little bit more and can fortify my defenses. I'm feeling rather frightened and unsure of the procedure. I know its the right thing to do, and I am sure that they will do a fine job, but they probably need to put someone else on the phone with the patients. She was really nice, but made more questions than provided answers.

Given the condition of the pass, Mike and I are going to try to get on the road about 12:30. We will try to call again on our way up there and see if we can connect with someone a little more knowledgeable about Gammaknife and the process involved and maybe I can feel a little more secure about the fact they are shooting high dose radiation beams into my head and bolting a frame onto my skull. Little overwhelming...huh?

Jessie came over to see me and cheer me on tonight, which really helped. He never ceases to bring a smile to my face, he is such a joyful little boy. I felt more optimistic as soon as he walked in. I thinks its going to be okay, even if the details are a little sketchy.

Safe travels. Safe procedure. Complete cure. That's my prayer.

Weak and Tired

I am feeling very week and trembly today. I worry that a seizure is on the horizon so I am keeping my beeper close around my neck just in case. I am on so much seizure medication that I can't imagine actually having one, but I am erring on the cautious side just in case, using my cane. I just remember back to a few weeks ago and how incredibly horrifying it was. The most terrifying thing I have ever experienced. I thought I might die. So, I'm awful glad to be here still!

I go over to the cancer center at 11:45 to get that skipped dose of Avastin and wish I felt better. Maybe its just this cold I'm fighting and is sapping all my energy making me very shakey and weak. I'll keep taking my vitamins! I checked the weather and there is going to be snow and rain on the pass tomorrow so it might be slow going. I may skip my exercise class and just head out after my therapy to give us plenty of time less the pass get closed for any period of time. I have to make it to Seattle tomorrow I need this procedure on Wednesday. I want these tumors gone!

There is wi-fi at the hospital, so I will keep you updated on the procedure. If you want to see how it is done you can google "gammaknife" and it goes through the steps. I still think the worst part is going to be bolting the frame to my head, thank God for sedation!

Say prayers for safe travel and a successful procedure and for me to come out of this tumor free!

Sunday, February 27, 2011


I really wanted to go to chuch today, have one more blessing put around me before the procedure on Wednesday. However, this cold I have been battling has settled in to my head good and I awoke this morning all stuffed up, coughing up gunk, sore throat, burning eyes. I thought it would be better if I stayed out of the public since there is so much going around and try to get healthy. I dug out my echinicia and am taking them along with my other regular vitamins and am drinking copious amounts of fluids. I'll probably try to sleep most the afternoon. I don't know if a cold will affect my ability to have this procedure, but I'm not taking any chances, I'm going to do everything I can to get well and get well soon.

I have my skipped dose of Avastin tomorrow too and I need to be healthy for that, I am sure my immune system is currently working in overtime trying to get well. Thinking of it, I should probably have called the doc on Friday and got my blood work done to see if I needed an immune system boost. But, we will know tomorrow. The plan is Avastin tomorrow and on Tuesday I'll have PT and am going to go see a psychotherapist to help me deal with some of the issues unique to cancer patients. Then I want to try to do my exercise class, depending on how I feel and then its off to Seattle. I am glad that my procedure is bright and early, get it done and over with and back home. The only thing I am apprehensive about is the frame they are going to bolt on to my head, but sedation should work wonders.

Since I can't go to church today I am asking for an extra round of prayers to get me healthy and keep me well and for this procedure to be successful. It may be awhile before I see the positive effects of the Gammaknife. There may be swelling which will cause me to get worse before I get better. There shouldn't be any bleeding, but there is always a chance, so we really want to avoid that side affect. Brain bleeds are not a good thing!

So today I will rest and work to get well so that I am ready for everything this week. Its going to be a busy one! Say lots of prayers, God is listening and this time I hope his answer is "yes" you are healed!

Friday, February 25, 2011

Spinal looks clear!

The spinal tap went well yesterday and I am finally up and around. I got a call and the preliminary results show that there are no cancer cells in the spinal fluid. We won't know until Monday for sure when the final results are in, but I'm going with the news today; no cancer in the spinal fluid! Yea! I've been staying pretty flat on my back recovering but now I feel like I'm coming down with a cold, my throat is sore and my nose is running. I am fighting a headache, which is to be expected, and taking my meds as frequently as I can.

I will have my missed dose of Avastin on Monday, Tuesday I have PT and my exercise class then we are heading to Seattle. There is a hotel at Swedish that we are going to stay at which will be really convenient, its on the 5th floor. They renovated a few rooms into hotel rooms so we will be able to just get up and go down to check in without ever leaving the building, which is great. Barring any complications I'll come home the same day.

I am going to take it relatively easy this weekend and rest up for a busy week next week. Keep the prayers coming that the procedure goes well, smooth and easy, and I am back home Wednesday evening as planned. While you're at it - pray for good weather too!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


Alot to update all of you on. It was a very long day to Seattle and back and the pass was awful But we made it home about 11p. But let's start in the middle with the doctors.

We got there right on time and we met with neuroradiologist Dr. Meier who, along with a neurosurgeon, will handle the procedure. He went over both Gammaknife and Cyberknife and although very similar they have slight differences and I am a candidate for either one. Gammaknife gets within 1/2 mm of the zone and can be done on the same day. Basically you get a frame attached to your head to make sure there will be no movement and everything will be exact head on and that is the worse part, the bolting of the frame to the head. Then I will have an MRI and they will get in there and with a radiation beam zap the tumors within .5mm margins. The frame is removed you are sent to recovery and go home the same day. These tumors will never come back. There may be others and those could also be treated with Gammaknife, but these tumors will be dead. Hopefully eventually they will sluff off and be absorbed back into the body leaving me back to normal. I may have some long term damage that may never go away, but I'll take that over death anyday and it shouldn't be any worse than it is now. Initially the symptoms may be worse with swelling at the "surgical" site but they will give me steroids and it should clear up in a few months. In the meantime Dr. Meiers noticed that one of the tumors may be on the menengi, which is the lining of the brain and connects into my brain stem. So tomorrow I am having a spinal tap at Kadlec to check the spinal fluid for cancer cells and they are going to infuse chemotherapy into the spinal column prophactly just in case like they did last time. Then if there is cancer, they have the first dose in fighting the bad cells. We will relay whatever we find out to the doctors in Seattle so they can treat appropriately.

Dr. Rado thought that Avastin had to be withheld for 4-6 week prior any Gamma or Cyber knife procedure but we found out that that isn't necessarily true. Dr. Meiers doesn't think it needs to be withheld at all, so we are going ahead with the Avastin on Monday so I can catch up on my skipped dose from this week.

Swedish sent us home about 4pm yesterday, the pass was closed but they were clearing it and it was due to open anytime. I asked them...are you sure you can't do the procedure tomorrow or the next day? They were certain they couldn't get insurance to approve that fast. So Mike and I slowly headed home. It was a long and hard haul. Heavy snow and traffic, most of the accidents had been cleaned up. The highlights were a stop in Issaquah for Krispy Kremes (YUM) and Miners for a burger and shake just before home. We finally got home about 11pm, 7 hours after leaving Isssaquah.

Then my senses were right and I got a call at 7:45 this morning asking if I was still in Seattle and if so, and I could have the procedure at 7am on Thursday. No go, I was already home and a big storm was battling the pass. So we decided to schedule it for next Wednesday, check in at 6am. We will go up on Tuesday. I think that this is actually good, this way I can have my spinal tap and missed dose of chemo before the procedure.

I am not really scared except for having the bolting of the frame on my head. They sedate me ahead of time, so it should be okay. After all I have had done to me, whats a few little bolts in my head?

I am pleased to find out I am eligible for this breakthrough treatment. It gives me a little jolt of positivity and hope. Just another thing that's going to work for me to get rid of this horrible disease. Another arrow in my teather, so to speak.

Pray that there are no cancer cells in my spinal fluid, that would be bad, but not the end of the world. Its treatable. They weren't there before and they shouldn't be there now.

The staff at Swedish was helpful, thorough and kind. I feel I am in good hands and they will take great care of me. The staff down here has been amazing putting the proceures on this end together so quickly and get me ready for next week. So I need to find an inexpensive hotel for Tuesday night and get ready to go. Its going to be an exciting procedure. Thanks for all your prayers. You helped me to be eligible and you got us to and from safely. God is listening.

Monday, February 21, 2011


Well Mike and I are off to Seattle tomorrow for consults with two physicians from the Swedish Neuroscience Center. I couldn't take chemo today because apparently I have to be off the Avastin for 4-6 weeks prior to having Cyberknife. I keep doing the Temodar and finished that last pill today. It frightens me to not take the chemo. I see how much growth can happen in such a short time and the incredible affect it has on my body and worry what will happen the weeks that I am off the chemo. But we will talk about that tomorrow too. Is it safe for me to be without treatment for 4-6 weeks? I believe I will continue the Temodor in two weeks so at least that is something fighting the tumors. They have taken me off the Abrastine which means my body is left open with nothing to fight back if there are any little cancer cells roaming around. I must use positive additude to keep them away. Its hard to stay positive. I am working very hard to keep my chin up and know and truly believe with a real sense of joy in my heart but most of all to trust in God and all the prayers that are going up for me. I know God is listening and He won't leave me to face this alone, He will be with me every step of the way and I know my family and prayer warriors are out there pounding out the prayers of healing and hope.

There have been alot of ups and downs today. Sometimes I find myself just melting in to puddles of tears and desperation. It doesn't last long and I can snap myself out of it and be aware of the positive that can come of this; I could be cured. I will be cured.

So be with me as I travel and as I meet with the experts. Guide their hearts and their minds, give them the wisdom to prescribe the right treatment at the right time. Pray for a blessing on their hands and their hearts. And as for me, pray for me to have an unflappable faith that God is in control and I will overcome this horrid disease.

I just think of my parents, Mike, My children, grandchild, friends. I am not afraid to die, I am afraid of what will happen to them if I go. They need me, we have to much more to do together. So fervent prays every change you get. I will feel them washing over me filling me with the light of Christ, the warmth of heaven will inspire me and keep me moving forward and staying strong.

So be with me in my sadness, be with me in my joy, be with me in my uncertainty and help me to trust that what will be will be. I am under God's plan, for better or worse, but I do believe that all things work together towards the glory of God. So I hope I can bring Him alot of glory.

I'll blog tomorrow night and let you know what they say.

Love and blessings,

Friday, February 18, 2011

Seattle on Tuesday. Pray I can have Cyberknife!

I have started on my new chemo pill which I picked up from the pharmacy yesterday. It is very expensive, $1400 for 10 pills. I will take them for 5 days, 2 weeks off and then 5 more days. I am going to talk to Dr. Rado's office to see if I can get them through their office and have it billed under my medical rather than my pharmaceutical coverage. If I can get it under medical it will be covered 20% and I am almost to 100% coverage. If it stays under my pharmacy coverage I will pay $1400 forever for it, there is no stop loss. But I guess if it works, its worth it.

I got a call from Swedish yesterday and I have an appointment with a specialist up at their neuro center on Tuesday to see if I am an candidate for Cyberknife. I am really hopeful. If they can do Cyberknife without too much collateral damage maybe we can zap these tumors once and for all. Between that and the new chemo, I think we have a good plan. Say your prayers it works.

Its hard to lose my independence. I can't take myself to exercise class, the store, yoga, the doctor or physical therapists. Driving is out of the question, I walk around wondering if or when another seizure will hit and I know I don't want to be behind the wheel when it does. So I depend on my family and friends and they have been incredibly helpful. Hopefully the tumors clear up soon and my independence returns. I was listening to a meditation yesterday for cancer patients and it had an affirmation statement that really struck at my core; I will survive not out of fear of dying but out of the joy to live. So I face each day with as much joy as I can muster. Joy for the sunshine, joy for the rain, joy for my family, my children, my grandson, my man, my friends. Joy for the ability to get out of bed in the morning, joy for all the people who are praying for me around the world. There is joy in the most minute of things, we just have to open our hearts and our souls and let the elation that is life pour in and fill us with its light. There are healing powers all around us, we just need to take the effort to tap into in, wallow in its essense and let it fill our body from top to toe. Let God's joy light us up from the inside out ravaging the cancer cells and flooding them from my body.

I know there is hope, there is optomitsm, it is just a matter of changing my state of mind. I remember the old classic Bing Crosby tune; eliminate the negative - accentuate the positive don't mess with Mr. In-Between. Good Advice.

So let the light into the very core of your soul and let it spin and whirl in and around you making your day, no matter how difficult, easier to walk through with your head held high and a shine in your eyes; a smile on your face. And stay connected with God, He will lead you forth.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Treatment Changes

Well the news doesn't get any better. The tumors have grown 30-40% and Dr. Rado is definately concerned. He said its time to consult Seattle and see if I am a candidate for Gamma or Cyber knife. Dr. Iuliano's concern is that the area is so large they would have to radiate so much mass that I may end up with some permanent disability on my right side. I would take a little disability to regain my life. So my files are on their way to Seattle for review and today I start a new chemotherapy pill in addition to the Avastin that also crosses the blood-brain barrier. It is a pill form that I will take for five consecutive days then I will do my Avastin on Monday then two weeks later I'll do both. I will also stay on my Zomeda to keep my bones strong and metastatic free. They are taking me off the Abraxane since it is for my body and my body appears to be clear from cancer. That brings up one of my other fears is that without treatment the little cancer cells will reemerge and come back into my lungs and everywhere else.

They have me on alot of antiseizure medication, I'm using a walker and I'm not allowed to drive. I am going to be on the mercy of my friends and family to get to all the places I need to go and I have just really gotten involved in some great support classes. I have exercise twice per week, yoga on Fridays, PT once per week not to mention the doctors appointments. So there is a real burden on my family right now. I hate depending on other people to do things for me, I am so independent that this is going to be hard to handle.

I am working to overcome the fear of the unknown. I never know when another seizure might hit and I find myself flailing on the ground. Rand and Gay had a First Alert installed in my home that I wear around my neck so if I fall I push one button and am connected with help who will call someone to help or send a paramedic or whatever I need. It makes me feel much more safe when I am home by myself and at least gives me a little independence.

I'll keep you updated as the treatment progresses. For right now, I ask you to join me in my fervent prays for a complete recovery.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Not good news.

I saw Dr Zhang yesterday and she did not have the technology to determine how much, if any, the tumors have grown. She increased my anti-seizure mediction in an effort to deter further seizures and I went on to see Dr. Iuliano this morning. He has the technology to put all the scans sliced exactly the same next to each other and the good news is the "new" tumor we thought was turning up next month was not. No new turmor. However the existing tumor have grown by 30-40% and are what is causing all the problems. What we think is that the cancer cells which did not get killed by the radiation have reared their ugly heads and are growing rather quickly. That is what is causing the seizures. They have put me on quite an array of medications to keep the seizures away and I sure hope they work. That was the most aweful experience. I felt so helpless and out of control.

So the news isn't good and hopefully Rado will have a better plan. I am not a candidate for gammaknife or cyberknife since the tumor is so spread out they would have to take too much of my brain to make it a viable surgery. So I am going to talk to him about uppimg my medication, hittng it harder and longer. Maybe that will work. I am determined to beat this. Whatever it takes. Pray with me and I'll keep you updated.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Seizure Update

I think I am improving and now I start the round of doctors. I'll see Zhang today, Iuliano tomorrow and hopefully Rado within the next two days. Obviously what we are doing is not working and we need to come up with a new plan. I am getting a medic alert bracelet so that if I fall again and I am alone I can get assistance. Makes me feel alot more secure. I walk around very carefully in contstant fear that my leg will start shaking again and the seizure will begin anew. Terrifying thought. I never really thought what a seizure was like, now I know, they are aweful.

I did go to Spokane with Mike yesterday to see Legally Blonde. We had no incidents and really enjoyed ourselves. I will update all of you after I see the doctors and let you know what they say. Pray there is an alternative treatment that will work on these brain tumors. They are really annoying.

Pray hard and fervently, this is not the way I want to live my life.

Saturday, February 12, 2011


My life, my normalacey has completely changed. At about 5am Thursday morning I awoke with uncontrollable shaking of my right foot and lower leg. My right side was completely numb from toes, up my arm and accross my back. I tried to stand up to see if it would right itself, but intead I collapsed to the floor spraining my ankle and continuing to shake. I crawled back to bed and waited until the shaking stopped and decided to go out to my car to get my cane and enable me to walk. I made it as far as the car and on the way back in the front door I started shaking even more violently fell on my face and thought I would suffocate with my face in the carpent and a total inability to move my body or my face from the floor. I was calling for Peyton but I couldnt yell loud enought to get her attention. Thank God for my dog Kyra who knew there was something wrong and went and woke up Peyton. I can't imagine her absolute terror when she came downstairs and found her mom jerking and seizing with her face planted in the carpet. She moved quickly pulling me in the house and turning me on to my side and talking to me straight in the eyes trying to pull me back to reality. She called 911 and they were there in about 5 minutes and took me off to the hospital. Peyton followed with my box of meds so the docs would know what I was on. A few minutes in I have another full blows seizure and they gave me some antivan to bring it back down under control. The ED doc called Dr. Rado and he put me on steroids to try to keep the seizures away until we can figure out what it going on. The MRI shows that the tumor is growing again, probably resulting in the seizure. Dr. Rado wants me in to see him next week and we will decide what comes next.

All I know it this has been terrifying and I don't want to ever experience it again. I'll see my neurologist in a few weeks, she is out of town, so I am going to call Monday and see if she has anything else to add to the management of the seizures.

Mike and I had a plan to go see Legally Blonde in Spokane tomorrow, and our plan is still to go. Peyton is housesitting for the next week, so until I feel confident that I can be by myself I am going to be switching houses, Mike is staying here tonight, I stayed at my parents last night and we'll see how I am on Sunday night. I do know that if it happens again I do not get out of bed, I stay where I am and call 911. I asked Dr. Rado if the odds were good that this would happen again and he commented "it was likely." Am I scared, yes i am, scared out of my wits.

I'll keep you posted and you join me in praying that the seizures stay away and that stupid trumor shrinks. Thats the best I can think for now.

I'm off to take a nap, its been an exhausting few days. Lets pray for a rockin improvement.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Life Changes

Life is fleeting; we all know that...don't we? Do you realize that your life could end at the blink of an eye. In a fleeting second your entire life can change. One minute you are about to turn into your driveway and the next moment you are waking up in intensive care fighting for your life. Or you awake to find your cognitive abilities are gone and your body is paralyzed. A myriad of life changing events can happen before you even realize that your life has changed. Permanently. Normalacy is gone and a new normal is going to take over your life. A new reality has moved into your life that you will spend months and maybe even years adjusting. For it is your new reality, your new life. The old life is gone and you have to be patient and give yourself time to adjust. Whether it be accident, health issue, personal tragedy; it requires you to completely reinvent yourself and learn where you fit in this new life you have been given. It takes time to adjust and there will be setbacks. Alot of setbacks accompanied by alot of tears. Life is not fair but it certainly isn't boring. I don't know about you but I could use a little boredom in my life! But God is here and he isn't ready for me to just settle down yet, He has more changes in store for me.

So beware and be ready for unexpected changes in your life. They can happen in an instant and will transform your life. Although at first it may seem the end of all you know and all you are but you are facing a great transformation; how will you handle it? Will you moan and wail all the unfairness that has befallen you or will you realize that this is an opportunity to change your life and attitude. A change which will cause us to rely on our most awesome God and learn to trust in Him and His divine purpose for your life. There may be great things ahead for you. Give tragedy and change a chance. You my be surprised where your world is headed.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Exercise Class

Dr. Rado was on jury duty yesterday so I saw one of his ARNP's instead and she was wonderful. We talked about the side effects I have been enduring and Dr. Rado had left a message that I could stop the Abraxane if I wanted to since my body was clear on the last CT scan. Mike and I talked it over and decided that I am tolerating the regimen adequately and we would rather be safe than sorry and continue on it until the next regimen review in March.

I started my exercise class today, sponsored by Kadlec Therapy Services, and it was wonderful. I realized 1) how out of shape I am, 2) how bad my balance and right side weakness has become and 3) how much I loved being there and I can't wait until Thursday. The program is two days a week, one hour each session. There is a definitive workout format, warm up and stretching and then exercise that starts slow and builds up each session. So today I only had two sets of three exercises to do, next time I'll have four, then six; each session adds one or two exercises so for those of us who have been in therapy for a long time can work our way back into exercising. I am so grateful for Kadlec providing this service. The two classes plus yoga on Fridays is going to be a great addition to my healing. I can do all these exercises at home so I am planning on exercising on my off days too. I felt really good after class and went and did some shopping, but I do have to say I am pretty tired tonight.

My latest side effect is my nails are turning yellow and brittle and a few of the nails are starting to separate under the nail bed and could actually fall off! I am a little dismayed since I showed Marlene my toenails over a month ago and thought they were getting a fungus or something and she told me they were fine and that I had just cut them too short (I can't feel my toes so I have to be careful cutting my nails) and I should let them grow out and file them instead of cut them. But it wasn't until this spread to my fingernails that I started to research it; and I asked the PT at the class if she knew was it was and she said yes, its caused by the taxol drugs, which I am on. I need to be careful about infections once they start "spooning" (pulling away from the nail bed) and I have done some research on reputable internet sites on how to care for my nails and I plan on talking to the doctor as soon as I can.

Enough for now. You probably didn't want to hear about yellowing nails! Gross! Oh well, I have always been open and honest on this blog and I will continue to do so! God bless.

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Another Chemo Tomorrow

Its been a few days since I posted so I'll catch you up on my happenings. I've been feeling pretty good the last few days. I took a yoga class at the cancer center on Friday. I have signed up to go every Friday. Its Restorative Yoga so the poses are easy and we mostly focus on breathing and meditation. I really enjoyed it. The teacher was great and she was very aware of the participants limitations. I also found out that Kadlec is sponsoring exercise for breast cancer patients with lymphedema on Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Richland Community Center. I am signed up to go this Tuesday and I am really excited. I am hoping that light focus exercise will reduce the swelling in my arm. We just can't get the swelling to go down, even with manual therapy and consistently wearing my sleeve during the day and my reid sleeve at night. I even have some oils that are supposed to reduce swelling that I use, no luck. Nothing seems to bring the swelling down.

I went to church this morning and the service was wonderful. Monte was preaching about how God is our refuge in our times of trouble and we only need to ask Him and he will shelter us when we need His help. He then asked everyone who needed God's refuge to stand and be prayed for by the other members of the chuch who were standing around us. It felt so uplifting to know that these people were praying for me and that God IS my refuge and He's here to protect me and shelter me from this storm I am in. As I stood there and cried as my best friend held my hand and cried with me. It was a beautiful moment.

Later that afternoon Tina and I went to the local colleges theatre to see "Wilderness of Mirrors". It was a very enjoyable play, intriguing with a sad but bittersweet ending.

Then it was off to my parents to enjoy some snacks and superbowl. My team won. I'm not a fan of either team, but Green Bay is my preference so I was glad they won. Some of the ads were halarious but not as many good ads as I would have expected. I loved the Budweiser outlaw, Darth Vader and Teleflora. Those were definately my favorites.

Tomorrow is the doctor and chemo. I am not looking forward to it, but I guess every dose gets me closer to the end of treatment. So, lets get another one down. Pray it goes well and that I'm not that sick and I'm able to do my exercise classes. In the meantime I am looking to God to be my refuge; I don't think I can handle the storm much longer.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Odds and Ends

I got alot done yesterday. Believe it or not I finally went through all the bags of belongings that I brought home after I had to give up my office at work. I stuck all of it in a corner in the basement and just left it there. It was just too painful to go through those bags and I am finally at an emotional place where I felt I could handle the feelings that all those items brought up. Its been long enough where it wasn't that painful; it mostly brough up sweet memories of people, conversations and events. I spent time in those emotions and relished in the gentle recollections. It was a walk through remembrances of the years I worked at Kadlec and the people who touched my life. Like a gentle breeze the thoughts wafted over me, bringing with it joy laced with a little melanchony. Now the challenge is what to do with all the stuff. Where do I put the pictures, the knick knacks, the I am tasked today with finding a place for these treasures.

I continue to gather goods to give to Goodwill. This time I'm going to try to take it to them a few bags at a time so that I don't have a whole truckload! There is a drop off center right at the mall, so its convenient. I feel like I'm making progress. Once the weather warms up, Peyton and I are going to tackle the garage. We have boxes we haven't opened since we moved I would venture to bet its mostly Goodwill stuff. I mean, if we haven't needed it for four years, we probably don't need it. I think a few of the boxes are Peyton's stuffed animals so we may pack some of the items with cedar chips and put it into storage. I understand the need to keep certain things of emotional value, even if it is stored away in a box. By this summer we should have the whole house done. At least that is my goal, and when you don't work it is important to have long and short term goals; something to work towards. So I am setting a goal everyday to get certain tasks completed with a long term goal of having the entire house done by the summer.

I'm feeling pretty good and have signed up for a few exercise classes specifically for cancer patients. One is a restorative yoga class at the Cancer Center and the other is sponsored by Kadlec and is a weight training class for breast cancer survivors with lymphedema. I am excited. The Yoga class starts on Friday and the other next Tuesday. It might help with the lymphedema to get some moderate controlled exercise. I'll let you know how it goes.

Go out and make it a wonderful day. Stay in prayer for those who are in need. God is listening.