Swedish

Well Mike and I are off to Seattle tomorrow for consults with two physicians from the Swedish Neuroscience Center. I couldn't take chemo today because apparently I have to be off the Avastin for 4-6 weeks prior to having Cyberknife. I keep doing the Temodar and finished that last pill today. It frightens me to not take the chemo. I see how much growth can happen in such a short time and the incredible affect it has on my body and worry what will happen the weeks that I am off the chemo. But we will talk about that tomorrow too. Is it safe for me to be without treatment for 4-6 weeks? I believe I will continue the Temodor in two weeks so at least that is something fighting the tumors. They have taken me off the Abrastine which means my body is left open with nothing to fight back if there are any little cancer cells roaming around. I must use positive additude to keep them away. Its hard to stay positive. I am working very hard to keep my chin up and know and truly believe with a real sense of joy in my heart but most of all to trust in God and all the prayers that are going up for me. I know God is listening and He won't leave me to face this alone, He will be with me every step of the way and I know my family and prayer warriors are out there pounding out the prayers of healing and hope.

There have been alot of ups and downs today. Sometimes I find myself just melting in to puddles of tears and desperation. It doesn't last long and I can snap myself out of it and be aware of the positive that can come of this; I could be cured. I will be cured.

So be with me as I travel and as I meet with the experts. Guide their hearts and their minds, give them the wisdom to prescribe the right treatment at the right time. Pray for a blessing on their hands and their hearts. And as for me, pray for me to have an unflappable faith that God is in control and I will overcome this horrid disease.

I just think of my parents, Mike, My children, grandchild, friends. I am not afraid to die, I am afraid of what will happen to them if I go. They need me, we have to much more to do together. So fervent prays every change you get. I will feel them washing over me filling me with the light of Christ, the warmth of heaven will inspire me and keep me moving forward and staying strong.

So be with me in my sadness, be with me in my joy, be with me in my uncertainty and help me to trust that what will be will be. I am under God's plan, for better or worse, but I do believe that all things work together towards the glory of God. So I hope I can bring Him alot of glory.

I'll blog tomorrow night and let you know what they say.

Love and blessings,
Patty