Headaches and Stuff.

The headaches get pretty bad at times. Last night I took some pain pills and laid on the couch as still as possible trying not to move my head. Eventually the pain subsided and I was able to sit up for a bit.

I have spent my weekend watching the symptoms on my right side worsen, finally stabilize and maybe improve slightly. I have cried and bargained with God, I have resigned myself to His will. I have pondered about my mortality, and prayed for more time. I have searched my soul for strength that I don’t know if I have and have reached into the depths of my spirit for the will to live. I opened my eyes this morning and I saw hope, I saw light. I see my time left on earth stretching before me, and I know it will be worthwhile, regardless of the number of days.

The good news is that the preliminary results indicate that there is no cancer in my spinal fluid. They are sending the slides up to Spokane to get a closer look to ensure no cancer, but today, its looking good. I had my second radiation treatment yesterday, 13 more to go. We did discuss what we would do if the symptoms worsen instead of improve and Dr. Geiver indicated that rather than do more radiation in Seattle, we would call our local friendly neurosurgeon and ask him to drill in to release the pressure. It is probably the swelling, not the tumor that is causing the problems on the right side, so hopefully the swelling will subside and the use of my right side will return.

For right now, I wait, I pray, I hope. I take each day, each moment as it comes, dealing with the symptoms the best I can and doing all that I can to keep the hope alive. The support I am receiving warms my heart and leaves me humbled and I pray that someday I can return the favor and be the one who provides support, rather than the recipient. Life is a circle, what we give, we receive, what we sow we reap.

So now, for today, I just pray for one more day, and another one after that, and more time. Time to give back all that I have received.