Reflections

I love lazy mornings. When the sun rises outside my window, but there is no place I have to rush to get to, no pressing tasks to perform. I can just lie there in bed and listen to the world waking up around me, watching the shadows dance upon the wall and enjoying the warm presence of my animals around me. That’s how I enjoyed my first hour of my day today, Kyra on one side, her head on my shoulder, Sophie on the other with her head on my stomach and Betsy curled at my neck, purring her satisfaction at the arrangement. Each one taking their turn at having their ears scratched, their bellies rubbed, their names cooed with love and affection. The soft glow of light floods the room and I take the time to reflect upon my week, my place in this life, my hope for tomorrow. My daughter, asleep across the hall, on the precipice of adulthood, her 18th birthday only two days away, her graduation in barely a month. I made it to this day, and the gratitude of that accomplishment fills me with hope for many more tomorrows filled with countless more triumphs.

I worked every day this week, and the realization of that achievement makes me believe that I will make it back to my life and I will find a “new normal” to place my feet upon. I don’t think I can ever return to my old life; for those days are gone in a blur of yesterdays and my future is a culmination of the lessons and challenges of those days. In my future I have the prospect of finding a new way to live my life that is laced with the trappings of great struggles and strife, but firmly built upon faith and hope that is born only from surviving the insurmountable.

I am not alone on an island with my survival. For each and every one of us will face obstacles in our life that appear to be impossible to overcome. Whether it be illness, loss of a loved one, financial challenges, wayward children, shattered dreams or a myriad of other hurdles, we all must find a way to persevere to the other side. Sure, it takes strength we didn’t know we had and faith that we couldn’t see within us, but when we gradually start making it and see the light is shining on the other side; we find that we can create a new life from the ashes of the old. Normal is gone, never to be found again, however we can find a new normal for our lives that is just as fulfilling, may even more, than the life we had before. Our innocence gone, knowing that our lives can be forever changed in an instant, and with that knowledge comes grace. For I know that the challenges in my life are not over, there will be countless more that I will face, as will you. That is what makes us human. Those experiences, those complications, make us realize the fragile richness of our lives, make us appreciate the sunrise a little more, make us more tolerant, more understanding, more forgiving, more full of grace for the foibles of those around us.

I am slowing building my life again. One day at a time. Striving to incorporate the pain, the sorrow and the joy of the last 10 months into a better future. Hoping to bring it all together to make me a better partner, mom, daughter, sister, employee and friend. Facing each day with optimism and bravery and challenging myself to open my heart to the great possibilities of my future.