Improvements.

How can an arm filled with fluid be so darn uncomfortable? Where does the fluid even come from and how the heck do I get rid of it? My lymphedema is truly driving me nuts. I keep thinking I will wake up in the morning, remove the layers and layers of bandages and the swelling will just be gone. It’s not happening like that. My hand hurts, my arm aches and it is just downright bothersome. I have tried massage and the power of gravity to pull the fluid down, to no avail. The dogs just look at me like I’m nuts with my arm up in the air for no apparent reason, when it could be scratching their little ears. They really just can’t understand it. So I lay there, with my arm in the air while Sophie and Kyra keep edging closer and closer until they are literally laying on top of me, clueless as to why the attention is not focused on them. I might as well pet them, the gravity isn’t working. So I give up and put my sleeve and glove on for the day and hope maybe today is the day that the swelling goes away. I can hope.

But I guess I have to have something to complain about. Compared to how I would be feeling if I had received a dose of Ixempra on Thursday, I am feeling stellar. The Zomeda has left me feeling slightly puny, or maybe that is just a leftover from the chemo. But puny now compared to the awful sickness I experienced over the last few months is something I can handle. However, I am still not satisfied; I want to feel good again. I almost don’t remember what it is like to get up in the morning and not feel sick. When was the last time that I just rolled out of bed without assessing which medication is needed to get me going? I look forward to that day. I know its coming. It has to be just around the corner. I must be patient and persevere; wellness and health are coming soon.

It is such a beautiful day and I am enjoying this spring weather. Peyton and I ran up to Sunnyside when she got out of school yesterday to get her prom dress fitted and I can’t even express how incredible she looks in that dress. It fits her like a glove, the only alteration was to shorter the strap. She tried it on again last night to show her grandparents, and all I could think was wow, that’s my daughter. She is so beautiful…how did I create such beauty, inside and out. But I can only take a little credit, she is her own person and I am so proud of the young woman she is becoming. Her 18th birthday and graduation are almost here, and I am so grateful to God for allowing me to live to be a part of it. To watch her come in to her own in this world is such a gift and I am eternally thankful to be alive.

When she gets off work today we are going to scour the city for the perfect jewelry to go with her perfect dress. While we are at it, we thought we would peruse the racks for the perfect graduation dress too. And Shoes. Can’t graduate without a new dress and shoes!! I am excited to get to spend this time with her.

I can’t say it or think it enough. It is a great day to be alive.