Recovering, slowly

I feel like I’m finally coming back into the land of the living, albeit slowly and cautiously. I have been very sick all week, like I said before, just surviving, waiting for the day to pass and hoping the next day will be better. The better finally came yesterday and I was able to sit up for awhile and do a little email. I even got out of the house for a few minutes to run to Applebee’s to get us dinner, of which I was able to eat a few bites. This activity was all followed by a lot more time horizontal on the couch, but I figure any time up and any outings at all to be considered a success. I am back up today, feeling very weak and slightly achy, but so far so good. Houston is going to come by for awhile today with Jessie, so I am looking forward to seeing my grandson and am saving all the energy I can for his arrival. I know I won’t be able to handle him all day, but for a few hours would be nice. Those hours will be followed by quite a few more hours horizontal on the couch recovering. I am under no illusions on how well I am and I know this chemo all too well and set backs can come on rapidly. If I trick myself into thinking I can do more than I should, I am swiftly reminded that this chemo is in charge of my body for right now and I am flat on my back again. So I tread carefully.

For now I am enjoying the sun shining through my windows, the fire in the fireplace taking the chill off the house and the sweet dog curled at my feet. I was spending some quality time with my old dog Kyra just yesterday thinking about how we have successfully beat this disease twice. With my faithful companion never leaving my side. She was there in the wee hours of the morning with me when I paced the floors or went for a walk trying in vain to get my legs to stop hurting. When I was curled up in bed shivering with fever and crying in pain, she was coiled closely by my side giving me her comfort and her warmth. When I sobbed tears of desperation, she was there listening, her big brown eyes intent on mine, reaching out in silence and love. My dog was there when no one else was. She was there during the terrible aloneness, during the darkest of times. There is no more faithful creature on this planet than a dog. I think of all the times I have spent alone in this house the last 10 months sick from this disease, and realize I have never been truly alone. I have had my Kyra faithfully with me every moment of my day. And when I did leave, and came home sicker than when I left, she met me where I was ready to serve me in any way she could, be it with an understanding head on my shoulder or a warm body by my side, whatever I needed she was there. I am indebted to this small creature of God and so grateful that in His infinite wisdom He gave me such a wonderful companion to fill the gap where no human can tread.

And so we will continue, Kyra and me, as we have for all these years. I will walk into healing with my faithful companion loyal at my side. I cannot thank God enough for giving me Kyra to help me through this long and rugged path.