The Plan

Its been almost 24 hours since I was given my “all clear” and I have been assessing how I feel, how I move forward from this point, what lies ahead for me.

First let me fill you in a little more on the technicalities. I had my final round of chemo yesterday, which included a dose of Zomeda, which is the bisphosphonate drug which helps to strengthen my bones and keep me from getting additional bone lesions. I will continue on the Zomeda for 2 years. Zomeda is usually a every 4 week drug, but they had altered the dose to allow me to have it every 3 weeks when I had my chemo. So my dose yesterday was a 3 week dose. So in another 3 weeks I will go in and get a 20 minute infusion of Zomeda, but it will be a 4 week dose. I will continue to go in every 4 weeks for the next two years and receive Zomeda. The side effects include some mild flu like symptoms for a few days, but nothing compared to chemotherapy. It should not have a huge impact on my life.

In two months I will go in for a checkup with Marlene to see how I am feeling. It is exciting because for the first time in 10 months I won’t have all this poison in my system and I’ll be able to truly tell how I am feeling. These days when I go to the doctor we go through a laundry list of symptoms and assess where I am at on each one on a scale from 1-10. Pain, yep, nausea, of course, etc. etc. The two month appointment is just a check-in. In four months I will get a CT scan and go back in to see Dr. Rado. To me, that is the most important appointment I have coming up. If that CT is all clear, then I feel like I am truly stepping forward into a cancer free future. I have one clear CT under my belt…now if I could have TWO clear CT’s under my belt…that would be an accomplishment. Given the current timing, the next CT will be around July 1st. It could potentially be a very nice 4th of July! Fireworks – oh yeah!!!

Unfortunately my cancer does not have what is called “tumor markers”. These are particular substances, usually proteins, found in the blood that are an indicator of cancer cells. My cancer has never shown tumor markers which means that the only way to know if my cancer is back is to actually see the cancer, ie, a CT scan. Unfortunately, CT scans do give a nice dose of radiation, so you don’t want to be doing them every month. That is why we are going to be doing CT’s every four months for at least the first two years. As Dr. Rado indicated to us, I will be on very close surveillance; unfortunately the odds of this cancer recurring is extremely high. But I have beat the odds already, why not continue to beat them?

How do I step into the future? This isn’t like the first time. Five years ago I walked away from my treatment and never looked back. I had Dr. Rado take my port out 30 days after my final visit because I was so certain that it was never coming back again. I was DONE, finito. No more cancer. I did not spend the 4 years leading up to this diagnosis looking over my shoulder because it truly never occurred to me that it would come back. I didn’t fret over aches and pains as potential recurrences, in my mind I was the quintessential survivor. I did it once, and I wasn’t going to have to do it again. Unfortunately, I can’t walk into tomorrow with that same attitude. The knowledge of a serious recurrence has become a reality. Truth be told, its amazing I have beat this recurrence. It was BAD, my lungs were covered with cancer. I still have a hard time believing that they are clear. I don’t want to have to do this again, the last 10 months have been hell.

Which brings me to my plan. I am a fighter, I am a doer. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t passively sit on the sidelines watching life go by singing que sera sera. While that’s a great song, and there is some real truth to it, I am a woman of action. So it is action I will take. The next three weeks are survival and planning. Once the effects of this round are over, then I move into recovery and returning to my life. The healthier I am the better my chances are of keeping this cancer away or of being able to fight if it returns. I am not minimizing the effects of how healthy I was when this cancer hit and the affect my health had on being able to win the battle. When I was diagnosed, I was doing everything right, eating right, exercising, meditating, and that is the path I am continuing on. It would be easy to say, hey, look, I got super healthy and got cancer anyway, so let’s just drink beer and party since it doesn’t make a difference. I believe it DOES make a difference. My good health put me in a better position to fight and win and made me able to be where I am today, a survivor. And better health will allow me give this cancer the finger and thrive in my life. Living it better and fuller.

So, that is my plan. To take an active involvment in getting better, so that in four months I will breeze through this CT with another all clear and continue on a path that leads to dreams fulfilled and old age. Me and Mike. We’re gonna get to grow old together afterall. And dad, when you are ready for me to set you free in the belly boat one last time, it would be my honor.

Praise God.