Onward and Upward - July 7th and 8th

(Pictures are from the Delinquent trip to Ellenburg)

These were very good days and I worked alot. It felt really great to have the energy to be useful. I am treasuring each day I can get. Today a good friend came in from Heppner Oregon and 4 of the 5 original delinquents from Richland Baptist Church met at Barracuda's for a cuppa fabulous coffee. The fellowship was amazing, we won't see each other for a year and when we get together the years all fall away and it is just like we were together yesterday. Pretty cool friendships, we laugh, we cry, we pray, its amazing. The way got the nickname is a very illustrious story on the way to a women's retreat. We felt like being a little mischievous and stopped and purchased Bottles of Root Beer and candy cigarettes and came bursting into the retreat with all our finery. Most of them thought it was pretty funny, some others, not so much. Those poor people with no sense of humor we offered to give them some of ours but they declined. Party poopers. The original delinquents from Richland Southern Baptist Church. Hold your head high ladies, we have paved our own way! Anita Hall, Ruth Taylor, Deana Price, Lasunda Muse and ME. THAT is a truly loving and long term relationship. I am very very blessed.

Back at work plugging along, handling lots of quick changes that people want to make right before a meeting when everything is already set up. I politely say, of course I can do that, and you go make it so. My job is to say yes and then find a method to accomplish! It is going to be very challenging to teach someone else to do my job while I am off healing. So much of what I do is because I just know that this goes there. I've been doing this for 7 years, so it will be very hard to walk away and leave enough information for my replacement to know what to do! Rand assured me that my job will be here waiting for me upon my return, He is the most kind and generous boss anyone could have. He doesn't want me working all the time like I did last time, he wants me resting and healing. He is a one of a kind Boss and human being, Rand Wortman, you are the best.

Remarkably I continue to feel pretty good. I still haven't taken anything for my rash other than benadryl, which helps a little. I don't like the side effects, they make me real shakky, but its sure better the steroids that will make me nuts. The rash hasn't really spread, but it is mostly on my torso, hips and upper legs. Very strange. They have no idea what it is from. I also ended up with a bladder infection yesterday which may be the first sign of immunodeficiency. This chemo is real hard on your immunities, so I am preparing for daily nupogen shots to boost my blood.

I was pondering today why I am not more upset. Alot of people are surprised I'm in such a good mood for someone going through this. But I figure, whats the point? These are the cards I'm dealt, its the cards I'll play. I'm not happy, but will persevere through this with the faith of My Father, my family and my precious friends. I am so Lucky to have so many friends. It simply overwhelms me! You all reading this, I want you to wrap your arms around yourself, squeeze and pat your back. That's from me, a hug and a pat on the back that you greatly deserve!

Love and Light to all.

LG - Life is Good

So far the Chemo isn't too bad. My energy level has picked back up and I worked all day today (woo hoo!) My co-workers were glad I am sure (at least I hope so!!). I picked up a weird rash today which we aren't sure what it is from, an allergic reaction or a reaction to the chemo, so I'm trying a little benadryl first and if that doesn't work, then I'll have to take steroids. The steroids aren't the preferable option since they tend to make me a raving bi-otch and my daughter has threatened to move out for the duration of the medication. I would move out too, but unfortunately, I have to go with myself. (-:

I'm feeling a little spacey, which I hope isn't the start of "chemo brain" if it is, I'm in big trouble as it is sarting very early. I'm hoping to hold on to my brain a while longer. I am betting its just the benadryl!

Peyton has finally turned the corner on her healing and seems to get getting back to normal. She's eating again and is getting bored, so that is a good sign!

I am completely overwhelmed by the kindness of my parents. I mean wow. Mom has done laundry and mopped my floor (numerous times), dad put together a pantry for me, they walk my dog, water my flowers. I am so incredibly lucky to have them in my life. Then there is Mike, he drops everything he is doing to be with me and care for me and run to doctors appointments. How could someone be as lucky as me? If it wasn't for the whole cancer thing...

Life is Good. Pass it on.

Happy 4th of July!!

I so enjoyed my fourth of July with a BBQ at Mikes and the whole local family was there. Just before the BBQ I got to go swimming with Jessie, which was a slight bit problematic because he thinks he should be able to do it all by himself, whereas we know, he really DOES need some help! The "I do it" really shines through in him lately! We are going to get him some water wings so he can feel a little more independent and maybe go try again today. I can't really get in the water with my port scars so fresh, but I can still be there to have fun with him I also need to be careful in the heat and the sun, so I'll temper my enthusiasm. But it is hard, I mean how many first times do you get swimming with your grandson?!

The chemo hasn't really made me very sick. I was a little sick to my stomach the first day, and since then not too bad. One of the side effects is flu-like symptoms and I had that full force about 5am on the 4th of July. So, I took 1/2 a sleeping pill and went back to bed! That's one way to battle the achey flu! When I finally got up I have been battling fatigue. I just want to sleep. I slept late yesterday, then got up and had some juice from my new Jack LaLane Juicer (Wow, thanks Tina & Gary - I LOVE IT!) and a little fresh fruit and went back to bed where I slept all afternoon. After the BBQ I came home, watched a little Twilight Zone with Peyton (her favorite show) and dozed on and off on the couch. Then finally went to bed for real after "Terror at 20,000 feet" our favorite episode. Man, William Shatner was so young! Not the Denny Crane we have come to know and love. :-)

Not quite as tired today. Sitting and enjoying my back porch, which is one of my favorite Sunday morning activities. I love my backyard, the trees and my pots and pots of flowers overflowing with abundant color! I think its one of my favorite places in the world, to just sit here and enjoy the sights and sounds, with the water flowing from my fish fountain and the quiet sounds of the neighborhood. The neighborhood kids finally quit playing their obnoxious music at full volume after numerous complaints last year, so it is much better this year! Its so fun to watch the squirrels run around and terrorize Kyra (my dog), taunting her and talking to her before they run up the tree out of her reach. Really, quite amusing.

I love my life, there is so much to be grateful for. I have a happy home, an incredible family and friends that are simply amazing. I am determined to continue to enjoy these wonderful gifts for many many years to come!

So far so good, July 3rd

I guess I should start off, God Bless our US of A. I am so grateful to live here where we have the best of everything. We have the freedom to speak our minds, practice our religions, and I honor the men and the women who defend our great country and gave the greatest loss which allows us to be free. Feeling a little sentimental, I am, I guess life-threatening illnesses can do that do you. Anyway, I am proud of the servicepeople in my family, brothers Bob and Bill, sister-in-law Rhonda, cousin Brian, dad Red. And my special lady Kami, marine woman extraordinaire!

I woke up this morning and was so glad to see the sun shining through my windows. Another beautiful day here in the hot desert we call the "other" pacific northwest. No grey skies and rainy days for us, no siree, we enjoy hot sunshiney days!

I am feeling really great. I was a little nauseous last night but quickly got on my oral anti-nausea medicine and got some good rest last night and felt pretty good this morning. Quickly took some medicine this morning and have had a wonderful day. My baby girl, Peyton, is feeling a little better, she took care of herself last night and I got to sleep most of the night. I got up about 4am to check on her and other than that, she made sure she took her meds. She is better but it still breaks my heart that I can't take away her pain. I just want her to be all better.

I am so blessed and honored to have so many people in my world who love and care for me. I was out and about today and it is just amazing the people I see and share with who are caring and genuine and only want what is best for me. It is humbling to have the love surround you like that, where you just know there are many who you could call on and they would be there, no questions asked.

I know my prayer warriors are out there, I feel the power of their prayer lift me up and I know that God is listening. I am not ready to leave this world, I have much to do. I have my melancholy moments, as I am sure we all do, but I know that this world is not done with me yet either. Why God has chosen me to fight this battle is not for me to know, but only to have the faith to see if through. Which I will. If I can encourage and inspire, then it is time well spent.

I love you my friends and family. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers, and I shall keep you in mine.

Ground Zero, Chemo, day one

The first time you get chemo it is almost anticlimatic. You are so tense and apprehensive and when it actually happens, it just an infusion of drugs. The fun comes later.

It only took about 2 hours to get both drugs and they included some IV anti-nausea medicine which should last 10 hours. I'll start on an oral anti-nausea this evening and then take it every 3-4 hours. I hope to stay ahead of the nausea. I shouldn't feel too bad, a little tired. I am not sure when my hair will start falling out, but we are pretty sure that it is going to fall out between 14-21 days. So I got a few weeks to die my hair bright pink and cut it into a butch cut!

Peyton seems to be on the homward stretch too. She is a little better today. I was up most of the night with her last night with a fever and sick stomach, so I hope I can get a nap today.

Say your prayers that this comes off with few sideeffects and the cancer gets kicked OUT!

I remain confident of my successful outcome!

7-1-09 Update

This has been a rough week. Peyton got her tonsils out on Monday morning and I saw Dr. Rado on Monday afternoon. He confimred that I have a recurrence of triple negative breast cancer which has metasticized to both lungs. He has a regimen of chemo already set out, Day 1 I take Carbo Platin and Gemzar, Day 8 I take just the Gemzar and Day 15 I rest. So its a three week cycle. I was hoping to get into clinical trial that has shown great promise with my type of cancer but it doesn't start for two weeks and given the aggressiveness of the cancer, Dr. Rado simply doesn't want to wait, nor do I.

Monday night was a hard night, up every few hours with Peyton, she is just in so much pain. Tuesday wasn't much better, but I was down resting and eating protein and veggies getting ready for my PET scan on Wednesday. I got the call from Rado's office that my medi-port placement was also scheduled for Wednesday at 9am. Mom and dad came and cooked dinner for me and watered my 197 plants (ok, not really but that's what my father says) they walked my dog and took real good care of us. I got a little sleep and was only up with Peyton twice.

Wednesday I started with at PET scan at 7am and then they put the port in at about 10 in the cath lab. Both procedures went well, except that this medi-port goes through my neck and down to my heart artery so my neck is really sore. I have a massive bruise on my chest. Chemo starts tomorrow, so I have a feeling its going to be very sore when its time to access the port!

Peyton has been so sick tonight. My poor baby. She is running a low grade fever, her throat is killing her, her stomach is upset. I just don't know what to do to help her. I feel so helpless. I guess this is in preparation for how people I love will feel when I am sick. Its so hard to watch those you love so much be sick and you can't take it away. I would take her pain in a second if I could. But that is just not an option. So I stay close and watch her and do all I can.

I hope to get a little sleep tonight, I need all the rest I can do be ready to face Chemo at 9am. I am scared. No way around it. Accessing that port is going to hurt and I don't know what these drugs are going to do to me. Mike has meetings but he is supposed to meet me there in time. I hope so, I just don't think I can face it by myself. Mom and dad will stay with Peyton and I am worried about her, she is so sick I think her mama should be here with her.

I'm trying to keep my attitude good, but am feeling pretty overwhelmed right now. Cancer just doesn't fit in with my life. I have too much to do and too many things to take care of. I am a mom, damn it, and it pisses me off that I can't focus 100% on my daughter this week. Is she gorgeous or what??

Biopsy and on to the weekend!

Its been a whirlwind of activity. The biopsy was on Thursday and on Friday I was lucky enough to get to go actually look at my slides with Dr. Brian Staley. It was very cool, and would have been alot cooler if they hadn't been mine! He is 95% sure it is a recurrence of Breast Cancer. I looked at the CT Scans with Dr. Tim Gormley, but I think he speaks techno/radiology, and didn't really learn much. Really nice, but hard to understand his doctor speak. I think this is why they don't usually have radiologists talk to patients. :-)

On Saturday I was lucky enough to get to go to Portland with my daughter, her friend Katilyn and her photographer friend, Annie Miller, to do senior pictures all day. We had a wonderful time. We shot photos at Maryshill, Stonehenge, Horsetail Watertall, Chinatown, Anthropoligies and Powells. Ended up with 700 pictures, I am sure the perfect picture is in there somewhere!