Through the Storm

“You can’t change the wind but you can adjust your sails.”

I like that quote. You can’t change the wind in your life. Wind just comes. It’s the nature of life. Especially if you live in the tri-cities! Ha ha. Actually, I have lived in many places, Michigan, Colorado, California, North Dakota and Washington, and they all have on thing in common…the wind. It one of the major forces of nature. Its one of the major forces in life. You can’t really do anything to stop the wind from blowing, once its gets a-going, you just have to wait it out. Sometimes its just wind, sometimes it’s a tornado, sometimes it’s a blizzard and you can’t even see to the other size, sometimes its sleet and rain blowing so hard sideways that it stings your face, and sometimes it might be a full category 5 hurricane that turns your life completely upside down. But then it ends. It always done. And there is the aftermath of the wind, but you know that any repairs can be done. Things that are broken can be fixed, your life can be put back together.

That is how I feel now. I feel like I’m in the middle of a hurricane and sometimes the wind will let up and I see the other side, I see the end in sight, but then the wind picks back up and it’s just a gale force storm. Sometimes I get angry, you bet. I have my days when I’m just plain pissed off and tired of being in the middle of a storm. Tired of the monotony of the days, the constant water in my face, the constant wind. Somedays I’m just plan sad, with a sadness so overwhelming and exhausting I just want to lie down and let the storm take me over and just put my head under the waves. But most days I keep walking. Just putting one foot in front of the other, pushing against the wind, pushing against the water and I find that when I move forward, the storm doesn’t feel as bad. I can adjust my sails where the wind actually helps me move along, move forward, towards the end of the storm. I just have to keep moving.

I am more than halfway through with this hurricane. I am entering round five of seven. Nine more weeks to go. I can do this. I know I can. I have a good attitude to keep me warm in the storm and I have my friends and family guiding me through. When I get lost, I hear them calling and when I get tired, they pick me up. No matter how much I might want to lay down and call it quits, they are there for me, never letting me go.

I go get my blood work done this morning before chemo and see my doctor. I wonder how my counts are doing, I had the transfusion last week, but I still feel very short of breath and the bruising continues. I am concerned that my counts haven’t rebounded enough for chemo, but I am going to think positive! I don’t feel bad at all, my energy is pretty good, I just get short of breath easy. That could be anything. That could be the cancer healing! That’s my theory and I’m sticking to it! If all goes well, I’ll have dose one of round five today.

I am excited because I’m starting my T’ai Chi Chih class with Tina and Melissa tonight at Therapy Solutions and its going to be great. T’ai Chi Chih is a series of 19 movements designed to move and activate the life force in us, the Chi. When you complete a series of T’ai Chi Chih moves you feel so refreshed and reenergized. It is amazing. Next week Tina and I are starting our yoga classes twice per week which will be fabulous. I’ve been doing yoga here at home once or twice a day on my own, but only about 20 minutes at a time and I know that I could do more and do better on my poses. So I am looking forward to being in a class. And I continue to walk my dogs every day. At least 20 minutes once to twice per day. I love it. I love taking them down to Amon Basin and just letting them run and play in the creek. They don’t care how slow or fast I walk, they just do their own thing and play and play. I love watching them, it makes me smile and brings so much joy in to my heart. They are getting to live out their true nature, being dogs together. Running free.

That is the best thing that I can do to fight the constant fatigue. Its funny how exercise fights fatigue, but its true. I find that if I keep exercising, just a little, the fatigue isn’t as bad. Sometimes its hard to get moving, but once I do, I’m glad I did.

So it is true with life. You just have to keep moving. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You may not know your ultimate destination or what sights, sounds and experiences you may encounter along the way. Your journey may take you into great valleys or up the sides of steep mountains, but you just have to keep moving. Sometimes you can skirt around the obstacles, but mostly, you just have to work your way through them. And sometimes the weather will be on your side, but mostly, you have to work through the forces of nature and do all you can to keep putting one foot in front of the other, despite what may befall you.

Life is all about the journey. Live the journey no matter where it takes you.