This and that

For some reason I am really weak. My body is shakey and feels drained of all energy. I am trying to just overcome it, but it takes monumental effort to go up and down the stairs. I catch my feet on the steps no matter how hard I think to myself "pick up your feet." So I am being extremely careful on the stairs lest I trip and fall and really hurt myself. My toes continue to be numb and sore and get cold easily. I frequently sit with a heating pad around my feet to keep them warm and it really helps. The doctors have not been able to ascertain why both my feet are numb, we figure the one is from the tumor but the other...we just don't know. It went numb way back in June and I have talked to both the oncologist and the neurologist, neither have an answer. It seems to me its getting worse and sometimes my fingers are numb also. Just the tips get tingley like they are cold, when I haven't even gone outside. Its very odd. Peripheral neuroapthy is a side effect of some chemos, so I think it is just a side effect of the chemo and I am just dealing with it.

I felt so bad for Peyton last night. She is feeling better but is hungry and wants so badly to eat something substantial, but with the holes in her mouth and the tenderness in her jaw she just can't chew anything. She was so sore and depressed last night and I finally got her to go to the store with me and we got cake (I know, healthy, huh) and the stuff to make crescent roll pizzas. They went down well and she was much happier after having food. She saw the surgeon yesterday and he indicated that she is healing up well, she just has to make sure to clean out the holes regularly to keep the food out and her surgical sites clean. Apparently she did have some food that had gotten stuck in there so he gave her a syringe to clean them out after every meal. I keep reminding her that her tosilectomy last year was worse, but she was on so many painkillers she vaguely remembers the ordeal. She has been off painkillers since Saturday, so she is fully aware she is hungry and sore! Its hard to be a helpless mother; so disheartening to not be able to do anything to help your child.

I just take it one day at a time. Maybe once I am off the neupogen shots my body will start feeling a little more normal.