Another Round

I try to remember how many times I have sat in this chair, in these now familiar surroundings, and received a dreaded dose of chemo. This is a different chemo ward than the old one 5 years ago. Back then it was a big room with each patient separated only by thin curtains. There were tiny windows near the ceiling that let in a small amount of natural light, but mostly it was harsh fluorescent lighting illuminating the drab space. But we made the best of it, the openness fostered a camaraderie amongst the patients that allowed us to share in our misery and communicate our stories to each other. The new chemo ward is nicely done, each of us confined to our individual cubicles, the only communication a smile or nod as we walk past each other to use the restroom or get a drink. The desire to provide each of us with privacy ended the ability to share our journey with each other. There are a few people that I have been honored to talk to, but mostly I sit in my little cubicle, beautiful natural light pouring in, artwork purposefully placed outside the windows and share my time with Mike. Sometimes we visit, but mostly we enjoy a comfortable silence while he holds my hand as the poison pours in my veins, the poison that will hopefully save me.

I saw the doctor today and it went well. We continue to try to find the right mixture of drugs to combat the side effects of this chemo. We have scheduled through six rounds, even if the scans next month are clear. That takes me through the end of the year. We are doing CT and MRI in mid-October and then I’ll see Dr. Rado and...well…and we’ll see. He really wanted to do five or six rounds regardless of the outcome of the scans to make sure we get it all, even the stuff we can’t see. Based on my symptoms, it appears we are headed in the right direction. My right side is significantly better than it was back in June, which is comforting. Hopefully the tumors just keep on shrinking away.

So I persevere on, hoping I handle this round better than the last. We will see.