GREAT, no AMAZING news!!

Do I have great news, or what? Hold your breath and hold on to your hats…

THEY ARE CONSIDERING MY LUNGS OFFICIALLY IN REMISSION.

Yes, that is what I said. REMISSION. Want to hear it again??? I want to say it again, scream it at the top of my fully remissioned lungs, MY LUNGS ARE IN REMISSION!!!! AMEN, HALLELUAH, PRAISE BE TO GOD ALMIGHTY!!!

Wow. I am so overwhelmed that I am still not believing it. So let me back up and tell you the story. I saw Marlene, ARNP, today and had a list of items to discuss. I started with better pain management, moved on to enhanced anti-nausea drugs, then covered the recurrence of the lymphedema. Stalling for the arrival of the question; the 800 pound gorilla sitting in the room…wanting to know, but afraid of what the answer might be. I had a lung CT a few weeks ago and although they were looking for pulmonary embolism, of which they found none, thank God, the radiologist also indicated “no evidence of nodules or tumors.” So we have been wondering…does that mean clear or does that mean, compared to last time no new nodules or tumors? Marlene joyfully gave me the great news, what I have wanted to hear with all my heart, the latest CT gives me an ALL CLEAR on my lungs. She declared my lungs officially in remission.

So, what next? There are still the bones metastases to consider and, since all they scanned was the lungs, we still need to look at the liver, abdomen and pelvis for tumors or metastases. The current plan is to do another CT at the end of the month to allow this dose the maximum time to work; but only scan the unscanned portions of my body and also complete a bone scan. We need to pray that we are able to do a bone scan, because apparently there is a shortage of the isotopes that are used for the bone scan, so Kadlec is only doing bone scans on Saturday’s and they are only scheduling one week in advance. The medical assistant will call Kadlec late next week and hope they are able to get me in for a scan. WHEN all those scans come back clear, yes I said WHEN not IF they come back clear, then I will do one more dose of Ixempra and be DONE. Yes, I said DONE. And DONE signifies that I am able to go back to work and get on with my life. I can’t say thank you God enough. I want to fall prostate on the floor and cry sobs of grateful relief for His mercy.

What all this means is that I am potentially a few months away from the end of chemotherapy. I would still continue with the bisphosphonate drugs every four weeks to strengthen my bones and prevent additional bone metastases. But that I can handle, piece of cake. One 20 minute infusion that might cause some mild achiness for a few days. Compared to the hell I have endured, this will be a walk in the park.

I can’t believe it might almost be over, its too good to think about, too amazing, too overwhelmingly wonderful for words. I wish it could have been in February before my benefits ran out, before my group life insurance was lost, before I had to go per diem. But, everything happens for a reason and I have to think that there is a reason for the timing of this cancer and if I was meant to be done last month, then I would have been done. For some reason, I needed this sabbatical, this dose of reality, this reminder of what is important in my life. I have to reflect on what this cancer has bequeathed upon me, what obstacles has it removed, what lessons has it given, what doors has it opened and where is my heart now compared to over eight months ago when this all began. For cancer is a journey, I have climbed mountains, scaled vertical rock walls, walked through valleys, forged rivers, fought rapids and waded through streams. I have been broken, victorious, defeated, exhausted and overwhelmed but I remain courageous and triumphant. I am making it. One step at a time; grasping hands and hearts of those who have pushed, pulled, carried and dragged me through. For this is not a solitary expedition, but a trek through unknown territories filled with fear and uncertainty but bathed in the warm glow of the love of my friends and family. It is a united and collective effort. And for that, I am eternally grateful. I know with unfailing certainty that I am loved. Not only by my Father in heaven, but by multitudes of people here on this planet we call home. My heart is filled to overflowing.

I still need your strength. For this journey is not completed, however I see the finish line looming on the horizon. Let’s cross it together, our heads held high and our hearts joined as one.