A New Week

So the week begins. I am feeling pretty good, considering everything my body is going through, and am ready to face the next few days with vigor and enthusiasm before I get hit again on Thursday. I woke up this morning and my legs were aching pretty badly; so I took a handful of pills (pain, anti-nausea) and lay in bed for another hour waiting for the pain to subside. I am now up and around, relatively pain free, enjoying a cuppa coffee in front of the fireplace, my every faithful puppy Sophie asleep on my feet. (Yes, remember ON not AT). The sun is shining through my windows and it looks beautiful outside. I am looking forward to taking a walk with my parents and our loyal puppies about 10:30 to further stretch my legs and fill my cancer free lungs with fresh air.

Peyton has already texted me and she is on her way home from Canada, returning from her adventure, with a successful Americans win under their belt. The first series is done, and they came out triumphant with their devoted fans following them all the way to Canada and back. Peyton told me that they ended up with their faces on the Jumbotron, but they looked liked idiots because they weren’t even paying attention to the game at the time. She quickly received texts from Mason’s (her boyfriends) mom and his billet saying that they saw her on TV! Her illustrious Canadian TV debut.

I am going to take it pretty easy today because I am working tonight and I want to make sure to not overdo it and be able to enjoy these next few days. The meeting is at 5:30 and I am not going to go to work until 4pm, the meeting will probably last until 7:30 and then I have to finish the minutes for a meeting tomorrow morning. So I should be home by 9pm. A few more hours than I want to work, but I think I’ll be fine. I’m not going to go in the office tomorrow; I have my CT at 11am, so I’ll be home drinking contrast liquid every hour in preparation for the CT. Oh joy. I want to try to work a few hours on Wednesday, getting stuff ready for my next few weeks off with this next round of chemo.

I am praying this CT comes out clear. They will be looking at everything below my lungs, my liver, kidneys, bladder, etc. and we are praying that there has been no further spreading of the cancer into those areas. I am SO ready to be done with this. I still don’t know if we have to do chemo until the spots on my back are completely gone, but I have a suspicion that they never go away completely, they are sort of like scar tissue, remaining there forever as a reminder of what has been.

There are lots of reminders from this journey, numerous things that will forever remind me of where I have been and where I need to go. If I ever begin to doubt the love of my friends, the strength of the human spirit or the incredible value of this life, I need only to look back on this path that I have walked and reflect on all those who have walked with me, and all doubt will vanish. This cancer has taught me valuable lessons about life and longing, about what is truly important in this world. I know this disease will never leave me, so I will live with it and allow it to continue to give me a unique perspective on the incredible value and fragility of life. I will doubt less and trust more, I will not waste my time on toxic emotions like hate and spite, but fill my world with love. I will ease away from the chaos that surrounds this culture and find a place where peace prevails. I will release grudges and practice forgiveness towards myself and others.

I may not live longer, this disease may come back in a month, a year, 10 years or hopefully never, but I will live better with the knowledge that this cancer has bestowed upon me. I will take it to heart and live the lessons, a better person than I was before. Making every effort to take the lemons and make a perfect and sweet lemonade of life.