Snap out of it.

I keep thinking of that scene from “Moonstruck” where Cher slaps Nicolas Cage across the face and tells him emphatically to “snap out of it”. That’s what I want to do, just snap out of it. Snap out of the depression, the sickness, the negative thoughts. Snap out of the nausea, the pain, the fatigue. Just snap out of it.

I wish it was that easy. I try to respect my body’s needs, sleep when I am tired, take my medication on schedule, but this chemo, this disease, is taking everything out of me. I am finding it harder and harder to snap out of it.

I know that there is an end to feeling sick from this chemo. Eventually I’ll feel better; at least the odds are that eventually I’ll feel better. But the waiting is killer. Everyday I think, today is the day that the side effects subside and I’ll be okay, and today comes, and the side effects are still there, strong as ever, sometimes stronger than I would expect. I think I should feel better and actually I’ll feel worse. I’ll think I should be able to have a normal day, and I end up in bed all day sleeping.

So, snap out of it. That’s what I will work on doing. Snapping. Out. Of. It.