Better Every Day

I slept a lot last night. Finally. I was so exhausted yesterday. I was pretty busy during my day starting at 8:30am with blood work, then a cable repairman who fixed my home phone (it took over an hour and doesn’t work again today, which is a whole ‘nother story), then Nancy stopped by, then my parents, then we walked the dogs, then Peyton came home and she wanted to go to the store, then the travel agent called and Peyton and I got our trip to the Bahamas booked, I returned a few other phone calls and texts to doctors and friends, then Houston came by with Jessie, then Cindy stopped by with dinner and then Wendy stopped by to say hi… See…. It was awesome…And overwhelming.

My brain still does not process a lot of activity well. I am easily inundated with stimulus and for some reason it stresses me out and leaves me feeling confused and worn out. I have to admit it has improved remarkably over the last few weeks. It was only a few days ago I was in tears because too many people were talking at the same time and I couldn’t process it all at once. This is absolutely nuts coming from someone who could multi-task 25 things at the same time, while taking minutes and talking on the phone! But slowly, I see my cognitive abilities coming back. I was excited that I remembered that I have appointments next week when the reminder calls came in yesterday. I actually completed two crossword puzzles without looking at the key on either one!! Now these are not NY Times puzzles, believe me, they are “easy Monday morning puzzles” but hey, they are good enough for me right now and they gave me a great sense of accomplishment. I was able to talk on the phone with the travel agent and make decisions and not get confused. I am remembering to take my medicine before my phone alarm goes off. I see the little things starting to come back, and that gives me a lot of hope. I was going to look at signing up for some sort of on-line creative writing class, but its getting pretty late into the summer, so I think I’ll wait until the fall and keep doing what I’m doing, which is working on my writing, both typing and by hand, crossword puzzles, remembering lists and routines, talking to people, having visitors. And thank you thank you my visitors, just be patient with me when I get a little confused, edgy or overwhelmed…ITS NOT YOU…its me. My plans to improve my cognitive abilities seem to be working, so that’s what I’m doing every day.

Oh yeah, and fight this stupid stinking cancer with every fiber of my being.

I had my blood work yesterday and it was pretty darn close to stellar. I am NOT immunocompromised, I am not anemic, my liver and kidneys are functioning great. The only thing is that my platelets are slightly lowered, but only to 99, and you need 100 to get chemo, so that is no big deal. I’ll have a 100 by next Thursday for my next dose, no problem. I knew it was going to be okay with this chemo and it is; I’m just plugging along through! You all know I am a dreamer and full of hope; but I am also a realist and I have done this song and dance before and I am under no illusions that every round is going to be as easy as the first. I had not had chemo since April 1st. My body had been beat up pretty good with the radiation, but not like what chemo does to the body. So I was pretty healthy going in. I know each dose, just like the Carbo/Gemzar that landed me in the hospital in December, gets a little tougher to deal with each time it goes it as the drug accumulate in your body; so I am aware each dose is a new opportunity to see what will happen. But for today. For now. I’m Golden.

I assume you caught the “trip to the Bahamas” statement earlier. Yeah, for those of you who don’t know, it’s true. Because of my medical condition and the likelihood of an untimely death, our life insurance policy has a clause called an “accelerated benefit” which allows an insured to cash out a portion of their policy if the indication is that they will die within two years. Well, when these brain tumors showed up, the insurance company began to see things a little differently and allowed me to cash out some of my life insurance. I paid off some bills and gave an advance on my life insurance to each of my children to do with as they wish while I’m still alive. It was a wonderful rewarding experience. Not many of us get to see the benefits of our life insurance while we are still here alive, enjoying the smile on their face.

My son bought a car. He really needed one and it has been a godsend to him. Peyton wanted to do a trip with her mama. Just me and her. Originally we talked about Europe. But that was before the chemo. Once I started on chemo she knew there was no way I could trek through Europe for 10 days and stay healthy. So, God Bless My Daughter, she switched us to Atlantas Bahamas. So, my daughter will be taking her mama to Atlantis Bahamas for 10 days with her portion of the life insurance. Pretty cool huh. I am so excited, humbled, heartwarmed…emotions and feelings that I can’t even put into words. These 10 days with my beautiful adult daughter will be some of the greatest days of my life, that I will treasure every moment I’m alive and way beyond. They are without measure. I can’t wait.

Currently my chemo is being split up into half on day one and half on day fifteen. I am going to talk to them next week that for the next round, take 100% on day one and be really sick for 7-10 days and then by the time I go to the Bahamas, I’ll be feeling great(ish). Maybe? It’s an idea!! The trip will delay my third round by one week, which is no big deal. Gosh, I can’t wait. Can you tell I can’t wait? I AM SO EXCITED!!! I am going to spend 10 days in the Bahamas with my daughter!

So Life is Good. Things are going well. I am plugging along nicely in my beautifully reconditioned backyard which I adore. I understand that planning for my upcoming fundraiser is underway and am so looking forward to what Sherri Manzanares has in store for me. If you are not aware of the fundraiser…the details I have now is that she is doing a nice event for me at Ava Wine Bar on 395 in Kennewick, Sunday, August 1, 2010 from 3-7. Eddy Manzanares (Café’ Blanco) will be playing music (they are awesome) and there will be wine and food with a minimum cost of $25 or something. Then she will have all sorts of silent (maybe live too, I don’t know) auction items for you to bid on. The funds that are raised will be going into an account to pay for health insurance costs, prescriptions costs, uncovered medical bills whatever the organizer deems. Pretty incredible and overwhelming to think how much people want to help. This cancer has been one of the most humbling experiences of my life. If you want more information, or to donate, you can contact Sherri on her Facebook at Sherri Beatte Manzanares, 509-205-5698. I am super excited for this event, I hope I can look fabulous… ok… maybe I’ll still have my Mohawk??? We can only hope!

Love you to all. Go out and make it a great day. Smile at someone who least expects it. Blow bubbles from your car at a stoplight. Laugh. Its your day. All yours.