Its All About Love

As I sit here on a perfect cloudy cool morning in my most beautiful back yard I have awesome news to share! Dr. Iuliano called me shortly after my brain scan yesterday to let me know that there are no new metastases and the tumors that are there are shrinking. So, the treatment is working! I am so relieved and excited. I know that the doctors were fairly certain that nothing could survive the whole brain radiation; but it’s nice to have some confirmation of that knowledge. So, as far as we can see, I have some dead tumors shrinking in my brain. I see Dr. Zhang (neurologist) next week and we will discuss any long term damage that might have resulted from the tumors. I still have significant weakness and a tremor on my right side; will that always be there or can I hope for it to go away? What happens to the space left from the tumors? Do the tumors just stay there as dead tissue or does it slough off eventually, then what happens to the space left behind? Does it “refill” with brain tissue or is there always a space there where the tumor used to be? Weird to think of, huh? I think of my brain and I wonder…what happens next?

I had a mammogram too, but I have no reason to think that anything would be abnormal but will be picking up the results from that today anyway, just to be sure. With my history of this cancer, I wouldn’t be surprised to have it pop up anywhere, even back where it started. I’m thinking probably not…but I would like to be sure.

We fly to San Diego early Thursday morning and we are flying back on Saturday night so we will be here on Sunday for my fundraiser. I sure hope you are coming! I am so excited to see everyone and see what my wonderful friend has put together for me. I know Sherri is working very very hard to make this a superb event and I am so humbled by the support I receive from all of you. It never ceases to amaze me that after a year long battle the support and love is just as strong as ever. The ability to give just keeps coming, the love keeps flowing. I am forever in the debt of my friends and family and can’t wait to someday pass this all forward.

It is certainly going to be a bittersweet trip. My aunt receives her award on Saturday and it looks like her three boys, including her son and grandson from Minnesota, are going to make it, so it’s going to be a real family event. I wish my son could come too, but I couldn’t afford another ticket and he couldn’t afford to take the time off work. He is sending his love, and she knows that. His priority has to be working and taking care of his family right now, and that doesn’t include a quick trip to San Diego.

It’s hard to believe that this will probably be the last time I will see my aunt in this lifetime, in this world. That just doesn’t seem possible. How does one reconcile that in their soul? How do you see someone you have known and loved your entire life, hold their hand and say goodbye? I have been lucky to not have to say goodbye many times in my life. I am not sure how to do this, I am not sure what to do as my hearts breaks and I am at a total loss as to how to help my mother through what is going to be one of the most difficult times of her life. I can’t imagine loosing my brother, much less a twin sister. How do I help her? How do I ease her sorrow? The only thing I know to do is to be there for her…I hold her hand, I hug her, I love her, I pray for her and I be the daughter she raised me to be. Love can conquer it all, can’t it? And I will love my mother with all my heart through her sorrow that will never cease. I don’t think you ever get over a loss like this, the pain just diminishes over time, and I will be there for her as long as we are in this life together. I will be the rock foundation for my mom like she has been for me my entire life. I have a good example in her to hold on to.

And as I cling to my Aunts hand one last time, tell her how much I love her and how much she has meant to me in my life, I will not hold back. For I know that this life is temporary, and although we will see each other in some capacity on the other side of this world; I know that we won’t get another chance to say what needs to be said here in this time and space. I have learned that through this journey of mine. Say what needs to be said, you won’t get another chance. Love with all your heart while you are here, for it’s the love that will carry you through the sorrow and the tears and it’s the love that will carry my aunt to the other side. It is the love she will leave behind, and it is the love that she will take with her. It’s all about love. Love is the beginning, the end, the middle, the thread that holds it all together. It’s a cliché, but its true, its all about love.

So love each other, my friends. Love with all your heart. Don’t miss a chance to tell people you love them and share your heart with them. The more you feed your heart with love, the bigger it will grow and the stronger it will become, and that strength is what will carry us through every day. Feed your heart, feed your life, feed your soul with the foundation of all things good and right…Love.