Life Is Good

I went to the Allied Art Show in the park on Friday. I love going to that show. It’s the same vendors every year, rarely anything new, but I just keep on buying the same stuff every year; decorating my back yard with steel recycled into art, buying tye-dye and outrageous dangly earrings to compliment my almost bald head. This year I found a yard ornament that had “Life is Good” boldly cut from stainless steel, which is the perfect compliment to my newly refurbished back yard. It looks amazing and I put it in a place where I can see it everyday and remind me that life IS good, no matter what the circumstances.

I was certainly glad that I took the walker with me and that we went early before the heat really hit full force. The walker allowed me to have something to lean on and something to sit on while waiting for Mike or if I just needed a rest. I can’t thank Nurse Kay enough for allowing me use of that rolling walker. Mom and I share it and it has been a Godsend for both of us. We use it all the time to get around. It’s a lifesaver.

So once the show was over I was left in a puddle of exhaustion, so Mike brought me home to rest. It was still relatively cool under the shade of the backyard trees so I set myself up a nice lounge chair, grabbed a book and made some lunch. I brought everything into the yard on a nice serving tray, got all settled in and realized I’d left my cell phone on the counter. Now, I don’t really need the cell phone, I’m not one of those people that have to have it attached to me at all times, but I was waiting for a return call from someone at the cancer center, so I thought, I’d better get it. You are not going to believe this (actually those of you who know my dogs will) but in the time it took me to go to the kitchen and back, the dogs had successfully scarfed up the entire sandwich, both halves, and licked the plate clean. Hope they got even shares… So, I made another sandwich and started all over. Darn dogs. Hope they enjoyed their turkey on wheat. Once it got too hot I moved into the house and that was all she wrote for the rest of the day; I laid on the couch watching movies and dozing until I dragged myself off to bed by 9pm.

I try to do something everyday and my errand yesterday was to hit the sale at Kohls and see if I could find something to wear in the Bahamas that is cool and actually looks good on my expanded body. I am coming off the steroids, but I think I will still be a pretty hefty woman when we leave in a few weeks, so I have to just find something to wear and deal with it. And as any woman knows, bathing suit shopping isn’t good when you DO look good…so when you look bad…yikes. Anyway, I did find one that I think is acceptable and I just have to deal with the fact that I don’t look like I did a year ago. I am not Ms. Skinny Healthy Fit Look Great In A Swimsuit anymore. I am now Ms. Swollen Bald Sick Hating Swimsuits. So I said to self, “Self, deal with it.” And I will. Because it is the trip that is important, not what I wear to the trip. It is the time that I spend with my daughter and when she looks back in the future; she isn’t going to care if I was skinny or fat, only that I was there by her side enjoying our trip of a lifetime, together. I try to remember that every time we take pictures and I know I am going to be all round and moonfaced and, well, fat (there isn’t a good word for it). When I am gone, the picture, the memory, will survive, not HOW I looked, but the memory of my being there. That is the important thing. So if you are one of those people who hate having your picture taken, think of your family and friends who will give anything to have a memory of you when you are gone. And then buck up and smile!!

Mission accomplished, I picked up a few groceries and came home to sack out on the couch for the rest of the day. The only other activity getting ready for Jessie’s BIRTHDAY PARTY TODAY!!!! I am so excited, except for this whole heat thing. I do not handle heat in the best conditions, so when I am sick, it’s even worse. His party is at 11am over at the park by the Kennewick Library, so there are water features and stuff for the kids, but for us adults who are not going to run through the water…well it’s gonna be just brutal. I figure I’ll stay as long as I can, enjoy as much as I can and when I am overdone, I’ll come home, rest up, and then go to Amrea (Mike’s granddaughters) birthday party at 4pm over at the pool in north Richland. Its gonna be a busy day!! After all that is over, I will collapse on the couch. But a great day will be had, Amrea is five and Jessie is three. What awesome ages to be alive to witness.

Tomorrow is my brain scan. We are going to take a looksie and see if the swelling has come down and if there are any still active tumors. As least that is what I am hoping we are doing. I see Dr. Zhang, neurologist, next week to review the results. The oncologists want me to see my neurologist to see if we can ascertain if the affects of the tumor sites are going to cause long term problems, ie, am I going to be weak on my right side, have headaches, memory loss, and other problems forever, or will they go away with time. Are the tumors going to just stay in my head or will they start to “sluff off” leaving me with…what…that is a good questions. Are there just going to be holes left, or do they fill back in, or what?? There are a lot of unanswered questions and I am hoping that some of them can be answered by this scan. I know I am not going to get all my answers and that most of it is “wait and see” but at least before I leave town I’ll know if there are active tumors lurking in my brain. Pray there is not. Pray for dead dead dead dead dead and gone tumors. I am not seeing Dr. Zhang until next week, but I will pick up the results this week and at least be able to look at the radiologist report to get a sense of what they are seeing. I’ll sure keep you apprised.

Enjoy the day. Remember, Life Is Good, no matter what the circumstances. Buck up and SMILE!!