Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Sorta in a Funk.

I am totally exhausted. I just can’t seem to find the energy to do anything but sit in a chair or lay on the couch, reading and dozing. It’s awful and it put me in a huge funk yesterday. There were things I wanted to get done with my daughter before she left town and I wanted the energy to do them and enjoy them…well I did do and enjoy, but the energy level wasn’t there.

Peyton is on her way to Canada and yesterday was our last day together for a few weeks so we went and got pedicures (she got her nails done too) which was wonderful and relaxing. I enjoy my time with her no matter what we do. She finally requested my packing assistance late last night and we got her easily under the 50 pound limit so she has extra room to bring her wares home from Canada. I believe she was 42 pounds on the way out this morning. Yea! If she goes over 50 on the way home, I told her ship it or carry it on! Its $90 for 51 pounds. Yikes!! So she is off to her adventure and I am home to rest, relax and heal.

I have phone and internet sometimes. Gotta love Charter. I added a home phone about a year ago because it was cheaper to “bundle” and the phone has had intermittent service for the entire year. Well I finally got tired of it not working so I had them come and “fix” it. Well…we find out that they should have replaced my box when they installed the phone and the reason that my service doesn’t work is my box is ancient which also affects my internet. So the phone guy was here on Thursday, “fixed” the phone and I have had phone and internet outages on a regular basis ever since!!! It’s been great. BUT, I know when the phone works…the solicitors call. It’s amazing. I swear, as soon as the phone comes on, it rings and it is a phone solicitor. I just put myself on the “do not call registry” which I know takes a while, so in the meantime, its how I know if my phone works. Pretty funny, eh? So posting blogs, checking email, doing Facebook…all that stuff, well I do it when I can. As of yesterday (Monday) I had no signal coming to the house, so Charter put in an “emergency” call and they are coming to “fix” the phone and internet this afternoon. But it will be a waste of time until the box gets replaced on Thursday, where they need access to the house all day, when I have Chemo. I guess my parents and my son get to sit at my house all day. So if anyone has a free day on Thursday with nothing to do they can come and babysit my house and dogs and hang out waiting for Charter to come and dig up my beautiful yard (they’d better not MESS anything up!!!) and give me a modern cable box.

Anyway, back to how I am feeling. Like I said, I got in quite a funk yesterday. I am SO tired; my body feels like it is made of lead. I am bloated and full of fluid from the steroids, which doesn’t help my attitude and the steroids are going to be tapering down over another month, which is good, but daunting. My memory seems to be continuing to improve, I feel like I am remembering things better. I was able to read a book yesterday, which is a huge deal; up to now I have not been able to track my mind enough to read a story, but yesterday I started on the new Janet Evanovitch, which I realize isn’t the most deep read, but at least I am reading and its making sense and I remember what happened in the last chapter when I start the next, and THAT is a huge deal.

I talked to Mike last night, cried about my predicament and my funk, and felt better (poor guy gets all the crap, doesn’t he?) and I realized that every day can’t be a good day, every day can’t be a perfect day; some days you’re the bird and some days, well, you are the window, and you just have to deal with it. So today, I will make it a better day. I will improve my attitude and my outlook. Its all about your perspective and mine was just not where it should be yesterday. Maybe it was the exhaustion, maybe it was Peyton leaving and my awareness of how much I will miss her (even if I say I won’t) or maybe a combination of all, but today, I’m making it a better day, and if I don’t, whomever is with me, you have my permission to slap me upside the head!