Round two, day two.

Feeling very weak and had a little nausea this morning, but other than that, I’m doing okay. I’m waiting for the joint pain from the Zomeda to kick in, but perhaps I will get lucky this time and bypass that side effect. The exhaustion seems to be the hardest to deal with, so I am working on activities that can be done while sitting and have been doing a lot of writing, crossword puzzles and even polished my chemo charm bracelet that my mom made me that was in serious need of some polish bling! For those of you who don’t know, my mother created for me a Chamila Charm Bracelet from Kantor Diamond Company, one charm at a time, that represents every single chemo treatment, there is the bracelet and 19 charms, totaling 20 treatments so far. 20 chemotherapy treatments since June 24, 2009. Wow. It’s a beautiful bracelet, I wear it all the time, so make sure to ask to see it if you haven’t, its quite lovely and means the world to me. We have filled the current bracelet, so now…what do we create, a second bracelet?

It went against all that I am, and I struggled…but…I didn’t buy new shoes yesterday for my 20th chemo treatment, which is against my chemo creed, but I just couldn’t justify buying more shoes at this point. Not only do I not NEED anymore shoes (did I actually SAY that, OMG!) but I am not sure how many more treatments I’m going to be doing and I just couldn’t bring myself to spend the money now that I am living on a complete disability paycheck. My money needs to be spent much more wisely, and with the trip to he Bahamas coming, even though it is mostly paid for by life insurance, I still need to be cautious since I don’t know when my income will be increasing, there is no definitive date in the future for me to return to work, so I am trying to budget wisely and learning to live within my reduced income, taking into consideration future medical bills, health insurance, long term care. However, both the physician and I agree that this trip to the Bahamas is as important as the chemo. Trips like this will help me to heal, help me to continue to make it through the ravages of this continued treatment. I think that God knows I need a break. My body is tired and overwhelmed, and a relaxing 10 days with the little girl/grown woman that owns my heart and soul is a perfect way to rejuvenate. So, instead of new shoes, I wore a new dress that I bought at a hippie store in Newport Beach and my favorite pair of bling sandals and all the blingy jewelry I could muster. So, I still felt I met the standard of bling during chemo. No jinx. Just new rituals. Every time I’ll pick out something new to wear, to do. It will be my challenge every chemo…what new, used, borrowed bling will take me through the next treatment!?

There is another big trip we are working on putting together. Most of you know that my mom’s twin sister, Bobbi Jo, has cancer and had decided to try to do a round of chemo. She hated it. She was so sick, not nausea as much as she couldn’t control her bowels, which if any of you has experienced (I have) it is the most awful side effect in the world. I have not been open in sharing that lovely side effect with you, but it has happened to me more that I care to say too. It has to be the worst side effect ever to not be able to be away from a bathroom all day. The physicians couldn’t control the side effect and she refuses to live with it and I can’t say that I blame her. She is 75 years old and this treatment is not going to give her a quality of life, well then forget it. I agree with her. So, she is suspending treatment and is going to let the disease run its course. They are more concerned with her respiratory problems and her inability to breathe, her chest cavity keeps filling with fluid, and the respiratory issues will probably get her before the cancer will. So, let’s talk about the trip.

My aunt lives in a part of San Diego called City Heights. We don’t have a City Heights in Tri-Cities, but suffice it to say its not the nicest part of town, full of a plethora of races and religions all made up into little blocks stacked tightly together and opposing each other. The young hookers walk on El Cajon Blvd, easily recognized by their age and look on their faces showing the complete loss of hope. Bobbi Jo, not so many years ago, spent many many hours working with the police department on a volunteer basis helping to clean up City Heights and working with the residents to make it a better place to live and grow. We are proud of all she did, and I know my mother spent more than a few nights worrying about her sister and her volunteer job and her safety, but she stayed safe and made changes that will last for many years to come. So, on July 31st the council of City Heights are recognizing her for her work to making City Heights a better place to live. It is going to be pretty low key, at her house on her porch, with the local city representatives and members of the city council and police department. So, we (mom, dad, Peyton and I) really want to try to fly down there to be a part of this day. I know that my chances to see my aunt alive are limited and this seems like as good of an opportunity as any to spend some quality time with her, see her get this award and let he know how much I love her and how much I have enjoyed her presence in my life. I want to tell her before its too late that she means so much to me, and always will. Mom and dad are coming over today and we will work on reservations. The challenge will also be that my fundraiser is August 1st, and I have to make sure to be back for that event!! So I’m looking at tickets flying out on Thursday and back late Saturday night or early Sunday morning, but have no fear, I’ll be here by Sunday for my own event!!

For a quick update on my mom (aka Gma aka GG) they are going to run more tests, but the bone that was cracked is healing nicely and she is getting around pretty well, unfortunately the pain that has appeared in her ankle is probably related to her back and very well may be permanent caused by all her back problems. She is waiting for an appointment with Dr. Fewel to assess the long term treatment. But, hopefully this does not impede her ability to get to San Diego. I think it would sure be wonderful to have all of us there to share in this accomplishment with her.

Onward and upward, with a smile on my face, which I find comes easier today. Maybe it’s the news of no chemo for five weeks, or maybe it’s just a recognition of my need to reassess the path of my life, or maybe I just changed my attitude, but I feel better than I have in a week, more positive and optimistic, more joyful, more full of hope. Maybe it’s the prayers that you are all sending me, maybe it’s the prayers I’m sending myself, but whatever it is, its working, I’m smiling, I’m happy, Life is Good. Come along and join me!