Round Two

Well the day is here, round two, day one. I was tired but ready. I had requested entire dose be given today, feel horrible for the next few weeks, and then feel golden for both my fundraiser on Aug. 2nd and my trip to the Bahamas on Aug. 9th. But, I found out that it has to be given ½ and ½, so rather than give it to me all at once, they are going to delay the second half until I get back from the Bahamas. I think that sounds awesome!! So I had chemo today and will not get another dose until August 23rd. That sounds fantastic. I am so excited. I get a chance to feel normal again. Five whole weeks off chemo with a trip to a tropical island in between, this is going to be the best month I have had in a year!

All that said, I feel like my life is at a standstill. I mean, is this my life now? My job is to get well, yes, but what else? There has to be more than just healing. I need to reach out and find some purpose, some meaning to my days, my life. I can have a wonderful, meaningful, fulfilled life and live like this forever. It’s all a matter of my perspective. I think I want a normal life, but normal will never be normal anymore. Normal is an illusion; I mean no one has a “normal” life. Everyone’s life is different, filled with different priorities, different goals and desires. So, what is my priority, my goal? Where do my desires lead me? That’s what I need to identify. Take the time to recognize what should be filling my days to make them meaningful, to make them days that take me through the rest of my life. I don’t know what tomorrow, what next month or next year brings, so I need to focus on today, and what fulfills me today.

Round two is in, but with such great news of a break on the horizon, it gives me the strength to plow right on through this, with a renewed sense of purpose. The goal to be as well as possible by the time I leave with Peyton so that it will be the trip of a lifetime that we dream it to be. Mother and daughter, friends for a lifetime, Bahamas bound.