Misery

Well I have successfully made it through another night. I slept for about 13 hours getting up regularly to take pain medication and anti-nausea pills. To say I feel miserable would be an understatement. I am beyond miserable. However, I do think that today will be an upturn; I am actually out of bed and sitting in front of the fireplace, and its not even 10am. That must be some sort of accomplishment. I figure if I can stay up for a few hours, then I’m getting over the hump and will hopefully be able to go to work tomorrow. That is my plan. Be at work by 6:30am. I might have to leave right after the meeting, but hey, at least I made it, right? I figure I can feel miserable here or miserable there, and its not like I’m contagious or anything. This is just a very nasty chemo.

My body aches, my head hurts, my hair follicles hurt. To get up and walk across the room takes major effort. I simply have no strength, no energy. Thank God for good medication, otherwise, I’d be in big trouble. I’d be throwing up and in excruciating pain, but I stay on my meds and it is all tolerable. My goal today is to take a shower. That’s it. It’s a small goal, but a goal nonetheless. In the real world, I know that sounds absolutely crazy, but in chemo world, the most minute task can seem monumental. When you feel this wretched, your perspective on things change. The smallest task becomes pretty significant, the significant tasks become insurmountable.

Just this small amount of writing has left me tired, my hands and shoulders aching. So, I’m signing off for now, knowing this too shall pass.