Radiation Begins

I started my radiation yesterday. It was pretty uneventful. I might get some burns, but it won’t be until after the radiation is done and I’m into chemo. It felt sort of unscientific, they are targeting the areas of pain and I just hope that my pain corresponds correctly with my cancer! I would think that they would do some really in depth imaging and target the specific spots, but they are focusing on the general areas of pain. I don’t want to make it sound like they are not following protocols, it just seems to me that it should be more exacting; pain can be very deceptive. But the pain in my back does correspond with the location of metastases from the bone scan, so hopefully we are hitting the right areas. They are using electrons which don’t penetrate the body as much so to minimize the damage which is done to the internal tissue. I don’t know anything about radiation – gamma, beta, whatever – so it’s all Greek to me anyway. The depth of the radiation is different on each side too; the ribs on my left side are deeper than the ribs on my right side. Apparently that is fairly normal. So I will have radiation every day this week and again every day next week, at 10am. It only takes about 10 minutes tops, the actual dosage is about 30 seconds each side. Dr. Rege wants to keep checking every few days to make sure they continue to target the areas of pain. The whole thing feels sort of space age, you enter this “high radiation area” and lay on this table underneath this huge machine. There are laser lights coming in from both sides as well as from the machine that they line up with little tattoos that they have put on your body. The table and machine both move and tilt and readjust until everything is lined up just perfectly. The technician adjusts the patient, a little to the left, up slightly, until he has achieved the precise alignment between the patient and the machine. He leaves the room, and the patient hears a buzz which lasts about 30 seconds. Then it is all over. The other side is done the same way and the treatment is complete. Pretty anticlimactic as far as medical procedures go!

I received a call from my oncology nurse yesterday and my chemo is scheduled to start again on Jan. 20th at 9am. We are moving to a Wednesday at 9am rather than Thursday, which is fine with me. I have the trip to the coast coming up over valentine’s weekend and this would put my regular blood testing earlier in the week so if I need any transfusions or shots I would have them easily done before I leave for the coast. This trip to the coast means so much to me. Mike and I had such an incredible time last year; I can’t wait to do it again. I just hope I can be as good of company as Mike deserves. I want it to be a special time for both of us. I know this cancer has been so hard on him, and he has been such an incredible support, I want this weekend to be a renewal for both of us.

I worked about half a day yesterday, my first day back. I was surprised at how quickly I tired. I was only there for a few hours when I realized that I was ready to lay down and take a nap! But, I persevered and made it until 2:00. I think that working every other day is a good idea, then I can rest in between. There is still so much to do, and Wendy is doing such a great job. It’s unbelievably difficult to have someone else doing my job, but I am so appreciative that I have her to fill in. I don’t know how I would be able to work through all this treatment. There is another board retreat coming up in March to San Diego, and it pained me to decline the trip, but I told Rand I just didn’t think I’d be able to do it this time. This is the first time I have missed a retreat. It just makes me sad, I love these trips; they are fun and educational and I get to really spend time with my board members and their spouses and get to know them a little bit better. It just strengthens the relationship. But I will still be in chemo at that time, and given the impact of the last two business trips I took, I felt it was better to decline this one. I know this chemo is going to be harder than the chemos that came before, so I need to step back and focus on my health and healing.

God I hate cancer.

I will stop here rather than regale you with an unrelenting diatribe about how much I hate cancer. Suffice it to say that the words “I hate cancer” don’t come close to how I really feel about cancer. I loathe it, I despise it, I abhor this insufferable misery it causes…

Okay…stopping now…but I really DO hate cancer.

Off to get ready for my daily radiation treatment and then I have physical therapy this afternoon to try to deal with this damn lymphedema…also caused by the cancer that I hate. But in between, I vow to make it a wonderful and relaxing rainy day. The fireplace is just perfect. Despite it all, life is still good.