Feeling Great!

Its been a pretty stellar week. I have been able to work every day putting in almost full days. I feel like I have a handle on my job again, which is a great feeling. Wendy is really getting the hang of the work that she is doing and is right there to back me up in the event that I have to step out again, which I will next round of chemo. I am already preparing for it, knowing that once I get that next round on Feb. 18th I can count myself out for 8-10 days. At least this time I’m prepared for it. Last time I didn’t know it would put me out like that, so I wasn’t ready. This time I’m ready.

We are also adding the Xeloda this time, which will make it doubly hard. The major side effect of that drug (other than the great flu-like symptoms which all of these seem to have) is that your hands and feet blister. Have I told you about that yet? If I have, sorry, my brain is going. Xeloda is another nasty drug. It is an oral, rather than an IV chemo, so people think it is not as harsh as other chemo drugs. That is a terrible misconception. This drug has just as many, if not worse, side effects as the IV therapies I have received. This one affects the red counts and cause anemia, which in turn causes fatigue, and I have been lucky this round to not suffer from too much fatigue once I got past the first 10 days. It also causes skin rashes, flushing and radiation recall, which is the weirdest phenomenon I have ever heard about. The skin that has been radiated reacts like it is being radiated again. Is that the craziest thing? My skin is still not healed from the radiation I just had, so I can’t wait to see what it does on Xeloda! Then there is the normal nausea and vomiting (all of them cause that) and then the best of them all…hand-foot syndrome. Apparently with hand-foot syndrome or PPE (which is an acronym for its medical name) it is “skin rash, swelling, redness, pain and/or peeling of the skin on the palms of hands and soles of feet.” Wow. I can’t even imagine this one. It is beyond my comprehension.

What happens with my heels? How do I wear fabulous shoes when the soles of my feet are blistered? This is a potential tragedy of biblical proportions! Okay, maybe not that bad, but in my world, pretty bad. I have a lot of fabulous shoes, and I enjoy wearing them, they are part of me, and now this frickin chemo is taking that away too!!!

God, I hate cancer.

Oh well, what do you do? You buck up and suffer through knowing this too shall pass. I see Dr. Rado today and we will hash out the details this battle of the war, but I believe I will be doing two more rounds (each 3 weeks apart) then have another CT and see where we are at. I am praying for a clear CT. I am ready to be done with this. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ready.

I have had a few people ask me how I got through the last round when I was so sick, and I have to share; you just do it. Like Nike, just do it. You don’t have a choice. Everyone handles things differently, but I just closed my eyes and waited for the day to pass, having the faith that it would pass, and the next day would be better (sometime it wasn’t) and when it wasn’t, then close my eyes and wait for that day to pass too, having faith that it WILL get better, I just had to wait it out.

Some friends say they couldn’t do it. And though I would never wish this on anyone, not even my enemies (not that I actually have enemies, but you know what I mean) if this crisis struck you, you too would make it through. You would find the faith to persevere, the strength to keep walking. We all have it, we just have to tap into that power, the power of God deep within each of us. It’s the life force that keeps us going, even when going seems impossible.

So whatever you are going through in your life, and everyone has crisis that they are handling, no one is immune, rely on the power that is within you, have faith, you will make it through.