Good morning my friends. Its chemo day and I have so much to catch you up on. I’ll try not to make it a novel!
Last time we talked I was headed out to the coast with a very heavy heart and a desire to let it all go and focus on what is great in my life and the things that matter. I wanted to spend quiet time with the man I love and find some peace in the decisions that I have had to make.
The weekend started out rocky, I was very emotional and was trying to deal with a lot of grief and sadness. Mike held me in his arms and gave me his strength, listened, and loved me through it. Finally I found a place where I could let go and let God take control and understand that this too shall pass. As painful as this all has been, God has a plan for me and He is in control of my life. What is happening is supposed to happen, and I just have to be brave and keep putting one foot in front of the other. We enjoyed our time together as we always do. Mike and I love being together; we genuinely enjoy each others company, no matter what we do. I tire easily so we spent a lot of time in our lawn chairs sitting on the beach listening to the surf, watching the dogs play, feeling the sun on our face. To us, the Oregon coast is a perfect place to be, rain or shine. We had a little of both. The Inn was beautiful, the food was excellent and we have already made reservations for Valentine’s Day next year.
I have been facing some additional health challenges with some shortness of breath. I noticed it about 10 days ago and it has continued to get a little bit worse every day. Sometimes it is hard to eat; you don’t realize how much you need to breathe while you are eating! I usually have to stop a few times during the meal to just breathe. Talking frequently leaves me short of breathe and walking, stairs and other physical activities really make me realize how hard it is to get a good breath. I called Dr. Rado’s office on Tuesday and relayed this information to them and we were all frightened that the cancer was back in my lungs. Dr. Rado wanted to start with a chest x-ray and go from there. So I went and had a chest x-ray and stopped by Dr. Gormley’s office to see if he could look at it real quick. He was so gracious, on his way to another activity, but stopped to look at my films. I was so relieved when he pulled it up on the computer and I didn’t see the tumors everywhere like I did 7 months ago. I was preparing myself for a complete recurrence, and wanted to cry with relief when it wasn’t. However, Dr. Gormley indicated that he could see some pulmonary fibrosis in my lungs, which is the hardening of the lung tissue, perhaps from the leftover scarring from the tumors. Dr. Gormley recommended a pulmonary function test to see if my lung capacity has been compromised. They got me in for that test yesterday and I am hoping to get the results at my appointment today. My blood oxygenation is still good, so I am getting enough oxygen in my blood; it’s just hard to get a good deep breath. I now have an incredible about of compassion for people with lung disease, it is truly terrifying to have a weight sitting on your chest that doesn’t allow to you breathe normally. I am confident that we can overcome this. Michelle, my chemo nurse, indicated that they could give me steroids that would help with the breathing, so I’ll probably be starting on those. So much for that 25 pounds I lost after going off the steroids last time. Oh well, if I have to choose between being fat and breathing, I choose breathing, no contest.
So today I have another round of Ixempra. Dr. Rado is doing what he can to better control the symptoms and we are hoping that I am not quite so sick this time. I have already indicated that I won’t be at work next week, but am hoping to be able to work the following week. We cleaned up my office and are getting rid of a bookshelf so that we can put a little desk in there for me to work at while I am able to work. It is hard to think that I no longer have the space that was mine, but I guess it just time to let go. I can still work, just not at my desk. I’ll probably do more from home than actually being in the office since it just feels so uncomfortable to be there where I have given up my space. I enjoy the people I work with and hope to continue to be able to see them on a regular basis, we will just see what happens.
If you remember, I had already embarked on my shoe shopping expedition for chemo today. I
have a fabulous pair of pink and black heels, that will completely inspire me to fight hard against this cancer and gives me courage for this round. I need all the strength and bravery I can get, I am concerned about the side effects and how hard this chemo hits me and praying it will be easier this time.
I’ll keep you updated and let you know how the pulmonary function test came out. I think I’m probably still getting good air exchange and we are catching this early before it gets worse. Say your prayers that the side effects don’t put in down like they did last time.
Last time we talked I was headed out to the coast with a very heavy heart and a desire to let it all go and focus on what is great in my life and the things that matter. I wanted to spend quiet time with the man I love and find some peace in the decisions that I have had to make.
The weekend started out rocky, I was very emotional and was trying to deal with a lot of grief and sadness. Mike held me in his arms and gave me his strength, listened, and loved me through it. Finally I found a place where I could let go and let God take control and understand that this too shall pass. As painful as this all has been, God has a plan for me and He is in control of my life. What is happening is supposed to happen, and I just have to be brave and keep putting one foot in front of the other. We enjoyed our time together as we always do. Mike and I love being together; we genuinely enjoy each others company, no matter what we do. I tire easily so we spent a lot of time in our lawn chairs sitting on the beach listening to the surf, watching the dogs play, feeling the sun on our face. To us, the Oregon coast is a perfect place to be, rain or shine. We had a little of both. The Inn was beautiful, the food was excellent and we have already made reservations for Valentine’s Day next year.
I have been facing some additional health challenges with some shortness of breath. I noticed it about 10 days ago and it has continued to get a little bit worse every day. Sometimes it is hard to eat; you don’t realize how much you need to breathe while you are eating! I usually have to stop a few times during the meal to just breathe. Talking frequently leaves me short of breathe and walking, stairs and other physical activities really make me realize how hard it is to get a good breath. I called Dr. Rado’s office on Tuesday and relayed this information to them and we were all frightened that the cancer was back in my lungs. Dr. Rado wanted to start with a chest x-ray and go from there. So I went and had a chest x-ray and stopped by Dr. Gormley’s office to see if he could look at it real quick. He was so gracious, on his way to another activity, but stopped to look at my films. I was so relieved when he pulled it up on the computer and I didn’t see the tumors everywhere like I did 7 months ago. I was preparing myself for a complete recurrence, and wanted to cry with relief when it wasn’t. However, Dr. Gormley indicated that he could see some pulmonary fibrosis in my lungs, which is the hardening of the lung tissue, perhaps from the leftover scarring from the tumors. Dr. Gormley recommended a pulmonary function test to see if my lung capacity has been compromised. They got me in for that test yesterday and I am hoping to get the results at my appointment today. My blood oxygenation is still good, so I am getting enough oxygen in my blood; it’s just hard to get a good deep breath. I now have an incredible about of compassion for people with lung disease, it is truly terrifying to have a weight sitting on your chest that doesn’t allow to you breathe normally. I am confident that we can overcome this. Michelle, my chemo nurse, indicated that they could give me steroids that would help with the breathing, so I’ll probably be starting on those. So much for that 25 pounds I lost after going off the steroids last time. Oh well, if I have to choose between being fat and breathing, I choose breathing, no contest.
So today I have another round of Ixempra. Dr. Rado is doing what he can to better control the symptoms and we are hoping that I am not quite so sick this time. I have already indicated that I won’t be at work next week, but am hoping to be able to work the following week. We cleaned up my office and are getting rid of a bookshelf so that we can put a little desk in there for me to work at while I am able to work. It is hard to think that I no longer have the space that was mine, but I guess it just time to let go. I can still work, just not at my desk. I’ll probably do more from home than actually being in the office since it just feels so uncomfortable to be there where I have given up my space. I enjoy the people I work with and hope to continue to be able to see them on a regular basis, we will just see what happens.
If you remember, I had already embarked on my shoe shopping expedition for chemo today. I
have a fabulous pair of pink and black heels, that will completely inspire me to fight hard against this cancer and gives me courage for this round. I need all the strength and bravery I can get, I am concerned about the side effects and how hard this chemo hits me and praying it will be easier this time.I’ll keep you updated and let you know how the pulmonary function test came out. I think I’m probably still getting good air exchange and we are catching this early before it gets worse. Say your prayers that the side effects don’t put in down like they did last time.
