The Next Round Begins

Well the new round is in. The side effects are creeping up on me and we are going to work through this new regimen and hope it is better. I am on a much stronger anti-nausea medicine that I received IV yesterday and will take a pill today and one tomorrow. Also, rather than getting the super dose neulasta I will be getting four shots of neupogen and on the fifth shot go have it at the cancer center and check my white counts. If they are down, we do more neupogen. We can do neupogen every day if we need to. It just really puts a burden on Mike. I have to get it around the same time everyday, noonish, so he has to be available to give me the shot. I should probably learn to give them to myself so as to not be such an intrusion into his day. I have received so many of these, I am sure I could give it to myself; I’d just have to buck up and do it. He says he doesn’t mind, but I know how busy he is.

I am keeping a diary of the pills that I am taking, what time I am taking them and how I feel at that time so that I can remember better when I talk to Dr. Rado how I did this round. It’s probably something that I should have been doing all along, however, with this particular chemo being so arduous; it’s a very good idea. Then at the end of the three weeks we will know whether or not my body is able to handle adding in the new drug.

So, my friends, I plug on through. I sit and enjoy my fireplace and a cup of coffee. I am really enjoying the coffee since I don’t know for how many more days I’ll be able to drink coffee. Once the nausea seriously sets in, the coffee stops. That’s how you know that I am really sick; I quit drinking coffee in the morning!

I continue to do quite a bit of work from home and am glad that I have that ability to work from here. My hourly status starts Monday, so it’s going to be a new experience to clock in and clock out during my work day. If all goes well, my disability will pick up the hours that I don’t work and I should get a check for February’s non-worked hours in Mid March and March’s non-worked hours in Mid-April. Those will be the hardest months, but somehow I’ll make it through. Hopefully in March I’ll get a clear CT scan, this will all be for nothing and I’ll get to go back to work full time. And I will have worried for naught.

My group health and life insurance ends Feb. 28th. So in March I have to buy back my health and dental benefits and am working on converting part of my life insurance and cashing out the rest. Its really stressful wondering how it’s all going to work, can I afford it, knowing I must afford it. Then knowing that I am only eligible to buy my benefits for 18 months is even more frightening. So I have to either be well or on full-disability by that time. Like I have said, there is so much to be concerned about. It is truly overwhelming.

My son is living with friends and seems to be doing well. I am so grateful that they have opened up their hearts and home to him as well as providing him with a job. It is truly going to make all the difference in the world. He has worked with his fines and got them all down to the lowest possible payment and has hopefully found a way to get his license back. That would be a huge deal. I get to see him quite a bit. He stopped by yesterday to say hi and check on how I was doing. It’s nice to see him out of jail and free. I just hope he can take the lessons he learned and use them to improve his life. He is on the right path now; I hope he can stay there. My heart aches for him, as only a mothers heart could ache. I love him so much, despite anything and everything he has done, as only a mother can continue to love amidst so much controversy. Mother’s love is just endless and complete. We hurt when our children hurt, no matter how old they are, we ache for their mishaps and broken hearts. But I can only stand back and hope that he continues to walk the right path, I cannot force him to stay there.

I’ll check in with you all later and let you know how this round of chemo is progressing. I sure hope it goes better than last time. I don’t mind feeling a little puny, but sure don’t want to be sick in bed for days on end. Time will tell. But, if this is what I have to do to put this cancer in its place, then I will go through it. One day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time. But I’ll make it through.

Pray for strength and peace in my heart.