Well it’s been seven days since my chemo and I keep hoping that I will be feeling better soon, but I am still waiting. Compared to last time I feel much better, but on a relative scale of feeling good, well, it just doesn’t stack up. I feel miserable, sick, nauseous and achy like I have the flu. I was hoping that perhaps once I ended the neupogen shots I would feel better, but that isn’t happening anytime soon, I have been prescribed 10 more doses. So I have to find a way to just work around it. I’m tired and am having a hard time doing much more than sleeping or laying on the couch watching the Olympics. My mom is bringing over a treadmill so I can try to walk a little bit at a time. I am too weak (not to mention neutropenic) to go to the gym, but feel like I need to get my body moving, even a little, no matter how rotten I feel.
There comes a point during treatment where you begin to wonder if the cure is worse than the disease. I know if I leave this cancer unchecked it will take over and take my life, and that is the only reason I keep enduring this continued suffering. There are so many of you who help to keep me plugging forward. You encourage and inspire me, and even take me by the hand and guide me when I can’t get up anymore. Of course, not everyone can be like that and there are always those who will impose their own negativity upon you. Those are the people that I just have to let out of my life and focus instead on the good, the pure, the kind, the generous. There are so many of you that are genuinely concerned and pulling for my healing and success against this disease, how dare I let all you down by allowing negativity to affect me. I will extract the ultimate revenge; I will survive and persevere, despite any obstacles that stand in my way.
So I will keep on moving forward, as hard as it is, and as discouraging as the days may become. Because not only do I deserve to conquer this disease, all of you who are standing behind me have earned the celebration of my success. Your fortitude and encouragement make me strong and will help me to win.