Day Three, going good!!

So far so good. Yesterday was a great day. I felt fine, got a little queasy in the afternoon, but overall excellent energy level, low pain level and minor nausea. I’d say a good day in the world of cancer treatment. I am fully aware that it is still only the first 24 hours, and the first 24 are generally okay, except as my daughter reminded me, on Ixempra, so already, its better. Ixempra I was sick out of the gate for 18 days. So, it IS going to be better than the last chemo! I continue to be plagued by a really sore throat and congestion in my chest, but that is certainly livable. I can deal with just about anything after Ixempra.

I got to see Jessie yesterday, which is always a treat. My son got called into work and they needed someone to watch Jessie for an hour because Elena works late on Friday’s and that honor fell to me! Yea. I picked him up about 4:30 and we ran by GG and Papa’s (my parents) and got my doggies and said hi, my friend Carol delivered a pepperoni pizza about 5:45, which Jessie was SO happy about and his mama picked him up about 6:45, so a short but perfect visit. I felt like the best grandma in the world when I said he couldn’t have ice cream for dinner, we had to have pepperoni pizza first. Is that great or what?? Super grandma! Pizza and ice cream! Just so you know that I DO balance the plate, he had an apple and big starbucks glass of water on his way home from daycare. So I did do a nod to healthy eating inside the entire food pyramid for my grandson.

I am leaving for CDA today for the Ironman. I talked to Mike for quite a while last night and he was so thrilled with the day he spent with his son. Jason is so excited to be doing this; I know I have shared that before. And my heart just soars when I think of that father/son unit experiencing what must be the most grueling and exhilarating physical fitness event in their lifetimes, together. The energy, the people, the entire event. They had a banquet for the athletes last night which Mike said was a great time and they were both interviewed by ESPN! We hope they make a news clip, and believe me, if they do, it will be posted so you all can see our little stars! The race starts for the non-pros at 7am Sunday and they have to be off the course by midnight. Mike said he is figuring on about 16 hours, so its gonna be a long day! We are going to be there to watch the turnarounds, cheer during the transitions, give them all the encouragement and energy and love and hollers we can! I promise to rest if I need to and I will come home if required. I promise. BUT I’M NOT PLANNING ON IT!! There will be Ruth and a whole Jansky family looking out for me. To all my “mom’s” out there…I’ll be fine.

I think sometimes I’m afraid to go to sleep. Its weird, but I don’t’ want to go to bed at night. I hate to give up the day. It’s a weird phenomenon that I have been experiencing over the last week. I just don’t want to go to sleep at night. I want to stay up at late as possible. I want to read, or clean, or watch TV or whatever, but I want to be awake. I was trying to psychoanalyze myself this morning, wondering if other cancer patients also go through this, and I think they probably do. I mean, none of us know if we are going to be gifted with another day on earth. None of us. But when you have cancer, that reality is shoved down your throat everyday. You are acutely aware of your mortality. And I think that is what I am experiencing. Deep down in the far reaches of my brain I am afraid if I sleep, I might miss something. I might not wake up. This might be my last day, and I am not ready yet. I know it is completely and totally irrational. I am NOT going to die in my sleep, but there is that little voice down there, wee and tiny, reminding me, this could be my last. Do I want to leave that pile for my daughter to have to go through? I certainly don’t want to leave the dishes in the sink or the garbage full. Like I said, completely and totally irrational. But real. So I am working through it and making myself go to bed, and once I’m there, I sleep fine. The alarms go off and various hours of the morning and remind me to take my meds, and lo and behold, my eyes do open in the morning and there is beautiful sunshine outside my window, just as expected. The birds are singing, the dogs are snoring next to me. All is well in the world, I made it through the night. Of course I did. I am going to make it through thousands more nights.

So, I’m off for my adventure. Actually, I’m off for Mike and Jason’s adventure. I just get to grab onto the coattails and go for a ride.