Exhausted.

The week has been bittersweet. I have been up and down. I wanted with all my heart to make it to this major accomplishment in my daughter’s life, and now that I’m here, I’m terrified to have it be over. I am afraid that this is my last milestone with her, with my baby girl, my child-woman. What if this is the last key success I am able to partake in? What if this is it?

I try to be positive and optimistic. I dig down to the very core of my being for the strength and the fortitude to be here for another 5, 10, 20 years. But the reality of it is I am facing the crisis of my life and as these tumors grow in my brain I wonder which day will be my last. Will I be able to get past this? Will I be able to keep on going? I want to with all my heart. Please God, don’t take me away. Let me live to see the next big exploit of my child.

I have been working on her video presentation for the party. It’s my thing. My intention was to work on it much sooner than this week, but the last few weeks have gotten away from me and now we are down to the wire and I am scrambling to put together pictures and video with a song that represents such a beautiful life. The pictures of her face cascade around me, her smile is strewn about the desk, the sparkle of her eyes overwhelm my heart and soul. I reach out to her with my project, my words, the song of my heart and I hope that I do justice to her essence. That I adequately capture the loveliness that is my Peyton.

I am tired. Exhausted. I think its time to pack it in for the night and start fresh in the morning, with clear eyes and more lucid thoughts. And between now and then I will pray, for more time, more goals, more achievements. I will pray for this Saturday and many more Saturday’s beyond.