Day Two - A-Ok

I sometimes wonder if I should “put everything out here” like I do. I pretty well share my entire life story, no matter how uninviting or unpleasant or average or boring or wonderful. This started as a way to keep people updated and in the last year has morphed over into my way of communicating with not only my friends, but my family, my co-workers, my caretakers, my fellow patients, prayer groups, people all over the world. Its crazy, but amazing how things like this spread. I always wanted to write, I was a voracious reader as a child, so writing was always the next logical step. I wrote tragic poetry and prose in high school and into college, keeping a journal on the side with my deepest and darkest secrets. So when the age of blogging came about, and cancer came in, this just seemed to fit.

So, I’ll keep writing and sharing, and people can read it, or not, but at the core of it all is that I feel compelled to share this experience with you. I hope you never have to experience a life threatening illness yourself, but maybe you can know what it is like, and you can glean some nugget of wisdom that I have been fortunate enough to gain through this journey and it can enhance your life. I truly feel that I am going through this to help others, if I cannot help someone else, what’s the point? So, if you choose, take my hand and we’ll walk together.

I have chosen to call this new regimen a “cocktail”. I like Sherri’s facebook comment that we could add a little tequila, and I would like to add some lime, please. Cocktail, well, that just sounds better, doesn’t it? So, my new and improved cocktail started yesterday with a little fanfare; insurance didn’t approve it. I have to say, there have only been some minimal insurance issues during this treatment, for the most part the company has been responsive and fair. I am not sure what was behind this denial, maybe because the doctor ordered it and wanted it through in two days, maybe because it is a relatively new protocol, but whatever the reason, insurance wanted to do some more review, doctor consultation, yada yada. Not happening. Yesterday was the day, and I didn’t care if I had to fight the insurance company from here to Texas…it had to start yesterday. All the stars had aligned and the date was right and I was ready. So, we started on the Zomeda (which was already approved) and the incredible people at Dr. Rado’s office called the insurance company every 15 minutes until they received the approval. It took about 90 minutes. But we were ready. Let’s rock and roll.

Chemo is pretty uneventful. One simply sits in the chair and receives bag after bag of various medication, each one carefully mixed, checked and double checked, then checked again by me and Mike, just to be safe. The worse part is when they give me the Benadryl to stave off any potential allergic reaction, I turn into a stoned zombie for about an hour, and I really hate it. Other than that, we just wait and with a new cocktail, watch carefully for any side affects that weren’t anticipated. There were none. Due to the tardiness of the start time, Mike needed to leave and get ready for his trip, so when Peyton was done with school she came and joined me for a few hours and kept me company during the final stages of the Abraxane and Avastin. The nurse and I carefully reviewed the anti-nausea and pain regimen that we were going to follow, which required another trip to the pharmacy to receive narcotics which is always a challenge. I am all okay with controlling narcotics. I don’t want a bunch of drug seekers roaming the streets and halls, I get it. But, when you are a legitimate patient, and you are sick, the laws make it hard for you to get your medication. The doctor wanted to increase the dosage on the pain medication, and it has to be an original prescription, it has to be dropped off at the pharmacy (no fax or phone calls) it cannot have refills; they no longer make generics…get the picture? Anyway, it’s just a hassle, especially when one is already feeling poorly. But we got it taken care of, thanks to Peyton and Elena and I am on my new pain regimen, which Thank You God, got me through the night with minimal joint pain. Peyton set alarms on my phone for when I take all my various pills, and it worked like a charm.

Elena and Houston brought Jessie by to see me last night for an hour or so, so he could eat all our raspberries, sit on my lap and read books (we discovered the Hungry Caterpillar last night!!) and generally cheer my weary soul like no other. Uneventful and beautiful and the highlight of my day. That boy never ceases to make me smile with complete uninhibited abandon!

So today I take my medication, and take care of me. I sit on my incredible patio which every day just sinks deeper and deeper into my heart and soul, refreshing me, giving me hope and solace and beauty in the middle of all this sickness. I am working on my thank you cards so I can recognize all you fantastic people who worked and donated to give me such a place of healing. I work on crossword puzzles and word searches to keep my brain synapses working. I read emails and facebook, I write in my journal. And I pray the cancer is being decimated. Once and for all.

I am hopeful that I will make it to Couer d’Alene tomorrow. Ruth and I plan on heading out about noonish, so we are there in time to have dinner with the family and watch them with their start at 7am. I want so much to watch the man I love and his son start this race together, make this memory. It is something that they will treasure for the rest of their lives. Jason is so excited to be doing this anyway, and to participate with his father is the icing on the cake. I personally think they are nuts, but I am one who eschews exercise, so I’m probably not the one to ask! They enjoy it, and that is what matters. LaNinya (Jason’s wife) made the COOLEST Iron Mansky shirts for us to wear, and even added some bling to mine. She left it here, just in case I couldn’t make it, but I plan on being there, wearing my shirt at the start line, at the finish line, eyes glued to the man I love.

I’ll keep you posted. The prayers are working, I feel okay, and this is the right cocktail, I feel that in my soul. I’m certainly not running anywhere today, but I am moving, I’m vertical, and for now, that’s the best I could hope to can ask for!