Happy Father's Day

Happy Father’s Day. To all you great dad’s out there, thanks. I am grateful to have a wonderful father in my life who has been with me through thick and thin and I have known with absolute certainty my entire life that he would never abandon me, no matter what I did, no matter how much trouble I got in, no matter how crappy I was, because he loves me unconditionally. That’s what a dad does. They love without bounds, without limits. And my dad is a jokester, he is rarely serious, I got him a funny card and a case of beer… not very original… but in his heart of hearts he has a tender soul for his children, grand-children and great grandchild. He loves his wife, his country. He was in the Navy. He is a patriot and a hard working family man. He is a decent and caring American. I am so proud to call him my dad. Ok, dad, I’ll get off my “dad of the year” soap box and you can go back to being an ornery old fart!!

My son is turning into a fine father too. He has struggled with his age and life choices, but at the core of it all is his desire to be a good father, a better father than he was certainly given. He plays with his son and is trying to learn how to be a disciplinarian to a 3-year old, which is always a challenge, especially when you have not been around the entire 3 years and don’t live with your child, but are trying to do all you can to put that family relationship back together. Let’s just say I am proud of the effort he is making. I see him trying, with all his heart, and that makes me proud. He is going to turn out just fine. I know it in the core of my being. He may have lost his way for awhile, but the path is becoming clear to him and he is stumbling along it to the best of his abilities. That’s all anyone can ask of anybody.

My daughter hates today. I hate it with her for the same reasons. She acknowledges her grandfather as the only father in her life, which he is, but it is so difficult to not have her “real” father around and he has never taken part in her life. Not since she was two years old. Not by a lack of trying by her either. When she could, she has always kept the lines of communication open, she has always been the one to call or text, but he has never been able to consistently reciprocate or even keep the simplest of promises, such as, I’ll call you back or I’ll be there when I say I will. He gets on the phone and tells her he loves her and he thinks of her always, then lies and breaks all his promises. It is heartbreaking to watch, painful to see her bear this burden, but it is her cross to bear, and I hope maybe someday the experience, all she has learned, she will be able to use to share with others, to help someone else. Going into the social work field, as is her plan, her life experiences will only help to enhance her capacity for empathy, for compassion. It will make her a better person…she just has to get through the day! And I’ll be here to walk with her, hold her hand, wipe her tears when she cries them tonight, as I know she will.

The weather is certainly not conducive to a father’s day BBQ so mom has agreed to prepare a pot of green chili for burritos for the day, which is something that I would certainly never turn down! She is getting around better, or maybe just faking the pain better, but I still worry about her being up on her leg too much. Houston, Elena and Jessie are going to come over this morning to walk the dogs with Papa, which is one of Jessie’s favorite things in the world to do. He is Papa’s parrot. Whatever Papa (Great-grand-pa) says, Jessie says. Papa is the king, the great hero. I love watching them together, it is such an incredibly beautiful thing to watch a great grandchild with their Papa. Hero worship is not necessarily a negative thing when you are looking up to someone as awesome as Jessie’s Papa.

So, I will muddle through my day. I struggle between being so exhausted I cannot move with being unable to sleep because of the steroids, no matter what medications I take. This is coupled with being easily confused and quickly overwhelmed. This multi-tasker from Kadlec can only do one thing at a time now, and even that is questionable sometimes. That has been challenging and frustrating for me. I go go go, I do 20 things at once and ask for more, and now I am lucky if I can focus and complete one task at a time. It’s a scary place to be, and I pray my cognitive abilities will come back soon. I miss my mind. I know it wasn’t that great to begin with, but when you don’t have the little you did have, your realize all you lost!!!

Give some love to the dad’s in your life. And give the greatest love of all to God the Father, the Dad of all Dads. The one that we would all aspire to be like, the one we should be emulating in our everyday life. Be the light of God to all around you. Light the world with His love and it will shine right back at you, lighting your day too.