Exhausted, But Hanging In There

I just can’t seem to get past total exhaustion. It’s crazy. Normally the steroids keep the energy level higher and then all the other meds (pain, anti-seizure, anti-nausea) take the edge off the steroids, but they all seem to be working in concert together to throw my body into bed. I know people have called and texted and want to stop by, and all I want to do is sleep. So, if you have been trying to get a hold of me, I’m really not ignoring you, I’m just too tired to respond.

Ok, so there is also this new phone. It was time, my old phone was dying in the middle of calls, cutting out, all that stuff cell phones do when they are dying, so my daughter got the new Sprint HTC EVO, a droid type phone, so I ordered one too. What the heck, I got time to learn a new phone, right? Well, I’m trying. I have to say, it has some of the coolest stuff on it ever. Mike and I caught up on the World Cup watching Sprint TV on my phone on the way home from the hospital yesterday (ok, he watched the road, I watched the phone). But, I certainly am not proficient on this new little piece of technology, however I think someday when I learn it, I’ll really like it. But that is probably another reason I might not be as adept at responding to texts as normal…I have a harder time typing since it’s a touch screen. I’m figuring it out though and since I have nothing but time on my hands. Why not learn new technology?

Speaking of the hospital, I did have my CT with contrast yesterday. Yummy. Makes for such a wonderful day drinking all that stuff and then dealing with the after effects. I was pretty wiped out last night physically as my body tried to process not only the liquid contrast but get out the iodine contrast that they also used. I’m going to call Monday and get the results, they should be done by then, and see Dr. Rado on Tuesday. So I am praying for GREAT news from this CT. CLEAR CLEAR CLEAR. I do not want this cancer crap back in my body. I am preparing myself for any news at this point, but praying for clear. I just can’t imagine that this stuff could come back after 18 rounds of chemo, but this cancer is not known for behaving nicely. So we wait, and we pray, and we hope.

I came to sit on my loverly patio this morning and was surprised to see it covered in puddles, apparently its going to be a rainy day! Maybe it will clear up later, but for now I just moved my chair under the eaves and wiped the table off and am sitting out here anyway. Jessie is going to stop by later with Houston; I can’t wait to see my little man. He knows Nana is not feeling well, and he never fails to cheer me up. When he comes over he puts his precious little dirty hands on both sides of my face and looks me straight in the eye and asks me “You okay Nana? I feel okay.” I tell him Nana feels fine and am glad he feels good too, and we go about our visit. It is the most tender and sweet moment in my day. I love that little boy with a heart about to burst. He is tender and kind, rambunctious and rowdy. He misbehaves and then breaks my heart with his drama king tears. He is my perfect little grandson. I can’t remember if I have told you, but Houston and Elena are going to the Oregon Coast July 10-13 to celebrate Elena’s birthday and they have invited me to tag along. I am so excited! Tina and I were talking just when we were at the coast last month about how enjoyable it is to see your grandchild fighting the mighty ocean waves, and now I get the treasure of being able to see it first hand. Jessie and I have been talking about it, and the shells we are going to get, and the waves, and the water, and the sand… We are stoked. On the way home we are going to stay a day in Portland and go to the zoo. Now, I am not really a zoo person, I feel bad for all those animals in enclosures, but I know that Jessie is going to love it and will learn so much. I am just so grateful to be included in their little family outing, and hope that I don’t drag anyone down with my low energy level. I am going to rest a lot between now and then!

So, that’s my day, that’s my life. Thank you for sharing in it. God and I were chatting this morning and I’m feeling more hopeful, my outlook feels brighter. I don’t know how much time I have left, I really don’t, none of us do, but I know what I have is going to be wonderful, filled with love and laughter and joy and tears and sorrow and all the riches that life has to offer.

Sink your teeth in and enjoy the day. With gusto!