Family. Not the ordinary kind.

Every morning when I wake up, I evaluate my surroundings; listen for the sounds of the house, the neighborhood, my waking family. I take an assessment of my body, how it feels, what symptoms are still there, what might be gone, what might be new. Certainly a far cry from a year ago, where the alarm would cry out, I’d hit that snooze a few times until arising became a critical task, finally roll out of bed with a slight grumble and get ready for the day in a whirlwind.

This morning for some reason, I grabbed my blackberry to check my work email. I don’t do that everyday, usually at some portion during the day I’ll check my email, but I normally stay away from it first thing in the morning, it just hurts too much to see all I am missing. I began to read the emails; my heart was lifted as it was breaking. Oh, my friends, my Kadlec family, you touch me in ways that I cannot even articulate. I read about “Operation Patty’s Backyard” and the plans to redo my yard this weekend. I am nothing short of humbled by the generosity, the kind words, the support I see you giving me every day. You all know how much I love my yard, love sitting out on my patio and I have to say it has been seriously neglected in the last year. So many things didn’t get done last year, and it isn’t looking good for this summer either. I know at the end of this weekend, I am going to sit on my patio and it will be the most joyous tears that I will cry. God Bless You. God Bless You. I just don’t know what to say.

I read another email from a dear co-worker who misses me, and another one from a co-worker friend who wants to put me in touch with a board member who wants to provide some “off week” cleaning services. Wow. So much love, so much support, so many words and the feelings that reach out with those words make my soul soar at the same time that it is breaking. It’s so hard to explain! I am inspired, I am humbled, I am grateful, I am hopeful. I was lying there thinking this morning, if I could have anything, do anything, I would get out of bed, and get ready for work. I would join my friends and I would participate in Operation Back Yard for someone else. I would help someone else clean their house; I would help plant the Kadlec garden. I would join my friends at Kadlec and make a living and make a life. Because I have built a life around my Kadlec family, and I miss that life so much. I miss that simple task of coming to work everyday, seeing your smiling faces, sharing in your lives, being involved in your days. It is more than a job; it is a calling, a vocation. Basically, I am "just" a secretary, an Executive Assistant if you want the official term. Yeah, that’s what I do, but it is so much more than that…I help people. I try to make peoples lives easier, whatever that may be. It might be supporting their meeting; it might be listening about their trip, hearing about their kids, grandkids, family, talking about upcoming travel or education. But at the bottom of it all, I shared my life with the people around me. And I miss that. I miss that time together; I can’t wait to have it back someday. Although I know in my heart I will never be able to do my job in my old capacity again, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to find that kind of strength or energy, I know that someday I will come back, I will share my life with that beautiful family that I call Kadlec. Someday, I will be able to come home again. And I know that you will all be there with outstretched arms and open hearts.

Until then, you are there for me. I read your emails, I see you when you stop by, I receive your cards. You keep me in the loop, in “the know” everyday, and that makes my days a little bit easier to bear. My dear sweet friends, you are not only my armor and my sword, you are my shelter in the storm. You are my comfort when I’m sad and my courage when I’m scared.

Quickly, an update on my health and family situation. I am feeling better, my right side seems to be strengthening and I only have two radiation treatments left. I will be having another CT June 21st and I see Dr. Rado on June 22nd. At that time, we will discuss the path forward and the best medications to treat this long term. I will have another Brain MRI July 26th to see the tumor status. Until then, we wait, and I work to regain my strength. My mom fractured her leg. I have to say, she has to be the toughest woman I know. She has been walking around with a fractured leg for three weeks! Talk about superhero!! She fell a few weeks ago, fractured the bone below her knee replacement, and it has been getting progressively worse. So, now she is in a split, has good pain meds, and should be back up and around in 4-6 weeks. My mom is not a sit around and do nothing type of gal…so this is going to be a hard experience for her! I’m starting to feel better, so this is my chance to take care of her. That is going to be a good feeling after all she has done for me. I hate that she is hurt, but am glad that my radiation is almost over, I should be feeling better, and I can help her now. She has done so much for me; anything I can do for her would be such a blessing. We continue to receive information about her twin sister. Further tests reveal that she may have pancreatic cancer. They are running more tests, but whatever blood levels are elevated when pancreatic cancer is present are really high, so that is the latest school of thought. She is waiting to see the surgeon and the oncologist, but we already know that if its pancreatic cancer, the time is limited. I worry that we need to get mom down there to spend time with her sister, so we have to get her feeling well enough to travel. It is heartbreaking; I wish I could do more than pray. But that is all I have to give, my prayers, my hope, my support, my love. We do not know where this path will lead; we just have to have the faith to keep on walking.

So, my dear friends, my prayer warriors, pray for my family. Spread that prayer past me and rain it down on my mom, dad, aunt and her family. I know their hearts are breaking, aching, tearing apart. They need you now, and I know I can count of you to be there. You have so much love; it just pours down around and fills the world. Thank you for letting us bask in it.