Girlfriends. And other stuff.

I love my girlfriends. I think men are really missing the boat when it comes to friendship. I don't think that men cultivate the close and personal relationships that women do. I mean, us girls, we love each other. We share our joys, our sorrows, our stupidity, our relationships, our ups, our downs. We share everything. I think about what we talk about when we are together, and it is EVERYTHING. There is no sacred thing that cannot be discussed when you are with your girlfriends. And your girlfriends never worry about taboo topics either, because there are none. You can just be who you are, exactly who you are meant to be with no fear of repercussions. Your girlfriends love you for exactly who you are at that moment, whether you have mascara running down your face from tears of laughter, joy, sadness or humiliation, they don't care. They may secretly wish they had your stash or shoes or you may secretly wish that they would gain 15 pounds just like you have, but its not in a malicious way. More in a "God if you can't make me thin, make my friends fat too" prayer. I would never actually wish them fat, but its so crazy when they look SO much better than me!

Its a strange dynamic, when you think of it. Remember as a teenager and young adult how your female relationships were, strained with backstabbing and jealously. Somewhere, those qualities fall away as maturity takes over and the women around you coalesce into a gel that forms around you, comforting you and supporting you at the same time. This moving, living, breathing force that keeps you sane, keeps you moving forward, knowing that you are never alone, never without love, never without an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, a cheer to share, a hug when needed. its the most amazing gift. Girlfriends. God, I love you.

The patio is beautiful today. Unfortunately the local brush fires have put the scent of fire in the air. I hope that they are able to get them all under control and no one gets hurt. This round of chemo has really made me sick to my stomach and I have been struggling with nausea for the last 12 hours or so. Mike and I went to the "Evening with the Angels" last night with Gary and Tina, which was a benefit for the Tri-Cities Chaplaincy and it was absolutely wonderful. Music, chocolate and wine. The music was beautiful. When they sang "How Could I Ever Know" from Secret Garden at the beginning of the second act, I couldn't hold back the tears. It is the most beautiful song that Lily sings to her husband after she dies and he is sitting in the Garden. I just took Mike's hand and let the tears fall, there was no stopping them.

How could I know I would have to leave you?
How could I know I would hurt you so?
You were the one I was born to love!
Oh, how could I ever know?
How could I ever know?
How can I say to go on without me?
How, when I know you still need me so?
How can I say not to dream about me?
How could I ever know?
Forgive me. Can you forgive me
And hold me in your heart,
And find some new way to love me
Now that we're apart?
How could I know I would never hold you?
Never again in this world, but oh,
Sure as you breathe, I am there inside you,
How could I ever know?

See what I mean? Then he sings back to her...
How can I hope to go on without you?
How can I know where you'd have me go?
How can I bear not to dream about you?
Oh, how can I let you go?

Reading that, how could I not cry? It was beautiful. They also did alot of fun stuff and even a song from Spamalot, which was a production that Mike and I so thoroughly enjoyed! it was a wonderful night and I'm glad I was well enough to attend.

Today I am going to walk the doggies this morning while its still cool and then the Tri-City Delinquents (Deana is out of town) are having lunch and pedicures this afternoon. It will be a restful day as I just get my strength back from this dose and bring my counts back to where they need to be. Rest...rest...rest... I hate it, but its true, that's what my body needs.

Mike and I were looking at my schedule last night and we realized that my CT should be this week, and I see Dr. Rado the week after that for follow up. So, I'll be getting my CT sometime later this week. And you all know me, I won't be waiting patiently to see my doctor the following week with the results, I'll be straight over to Iuliano's office to see how it is going. Pray for good outcome!

Have a wonderful, marvelous, glorious, peaceful and love-filled day. Enjoy every moment, there's never a moment to waste!