Time for goodbyes

It was the perfect day! We drove down to Heceta Head lighthouse and went to Devil's Churn. Spent a hour or so in Yachats and Waldport where the girls spent all their cash (and mine too) on very cool beads from local bead shops. My daughter suprised me later with the coolest breast cancer bead hemp bracelet! While I rested at the house during cocktail hour with Mike and the grandparentals, the rest of the family did some shopping in Newport. The weather last night was cool, but not too windy and the girls, Alex and Peyton, and my nephew Andrew and my crazy loverboy Mike decided they needed a swim in the ocean after dinner! OMG! I was SO cold! But they did it, I have tons of pictures! They said it wasn't too bad once you got in! After that we made a much needed fire on the beach and roasted marshmallows for the perfect smore, of which I am a connoisseur. I am a marshmallow roaster expert, I can roast them to perfection. We came back to the house and scattered to shoot pool, read, make more bracelets or watch movies. Simple day, but one that I will treasure always. All of us together, bickering, laughing and telling stories. Talking over each other, my brother and I arguing on where and when to have lunch (I won!). The laughter and the love. That's what means the most. Its all about the time and the relationship and there just never seems to be enough time.

Speaking of time, the time has come to pack up and leave. I think Jason flies first at 2pm, so they have to be on the road by about 8am and it just breaks my heart that the time together is almost over. I found myself unable to stop crying this morning at the thought of it. Time moves so swiftly, too swiftly, and there is never enough of it. Just when you think that you have this perfect time, this perfect moment, its slips away from your grasp and you cannot get it back. So I try to capture it in my mind, look at that moment and hold on to what it special about it, those intangibles that I can never get back; the glance, the eyes, the laugh, the intonation of the voice, the feel of the skin, the weight of the hug. These are the things that I will carry in my heart with me. These are the things that will carry me through the next few months of treatment until we can all be together again. My brother's 50th is coming up in the spring along with Peyton's 18th and her graduation, so I know that there are many opportunities for us to be together again. I wish my son and his family were here more than I can say, it just doesn't feel complete without them, so I hope next time, its is truly ALL of us.

Mike and I went out last night and watched the stars. The stars out here are amazing. They are countless and so intense away from the lights of civilization. We saw numerous shooting stars and just the thought of laying in Mike's arms in the cold night air watching the stars warms my heart. I could have laid there for hours, talking with the love of my life, looking into the vast expanse of the universe, wondering if it could get any more perfect. Another perfect moment, captured in my mind, engraved in my heart and soul, a time I'll never loose.

So this chapter is ready to close. The house is waking up, showers are being taken, packing is being done, the coffee is brewed. We will finish the trip with some family pictures, sans Houston's family, but family pictures nonetheless. I have tried to reign in the tears, since I want these moments to be happy, not sad, but not sure if I can say goodbye without falling apart. The more time I spend with my brother and his family the more I realize how much I enjoy their company and their humor and wish we all lived closer together. But wishes are like the wind, you throw them out there and they spin out to be considered by the universe. Maybe someday, we'll all move to the coast.

Love you all. Pray for safe travels.