A little about my kids...

I went to hear a physician speak last night on “Healthy Brain Healthy Life, Creating Healthy Families”, Dr. Daniel Amen. It was a fascinating study into the processes of the human brain, but really, when it comes down to it, its pretty common sense. The old adage is true, garbage in - garbage out. If we feed our brain a steady diet of TV, videos and fast food, what are we going to get? A dysfunctional brain with no attention span and all sorts of problems. And that is what we are creating in our world. The fast food nation of instant gratification. I wish I’d known more raising my kids, or understood more. The information was out there, but I don’t think I realized the impact of diet and TV on my kids. I think my son still would have grown up to be ADD, but maybe I could have mitigated some of the issues, but I simply didn’t believe that ADD was a true diagnoses. I believed that it was one of those catch all phrases that we gave our kids who got in trouble or couldn’t behave. I remember half the kids in school seemed to have some sort of ADD or ADHD diagnosis. I wish I wish I wish. I wish I’d understood.

Now at almost 22 he struggles with the disorder with no help or resources for an uninsured adult male. I can only help so much; my frustration level with him is so high after so many months of him living here and so many years of this undertreated disorder. Not to mention, I’m the mom, the root of all evil, the knower of nothing. It’s sometimes amazing how little I know! I went ahead and bought a book from the speaker about curing ADD and thought I’d read it first and then give it to him. Maybe if I was more understanding, had more insight. Like I said. I wish I wish I wish.

I learn from my mistakes though, and have been more acutely aware of my daughter. And while she is not ADD, thank goodness, she has her own issues which I made sure to recognize and get diagnosed and treated. A little anxiety and OCD, which we all have, just a matter of learning about them and trying to use them to the best of our abilities. I mean, it can be good if you want things to be “just so” all the time. Sometimes bad, but used correctly, you can produce some pretty outstanding work! Four years between kids made me a better mother, a better parent, a better person. At least I’d like to think so.

So I learned a lot last night and was glad that I went. He talked about how when we have bad thoughts they turn into bad chemicals, stress and whatever, and can in turn become disease. I hate to say that one threw me. I am not a bad thought person. I am a very positive thought person. I have always tried to look at the world with a half-full kind of glass no matter what the circumstances. I have taken all the curve balls that life has to give and tried to put a positive twist on them and be joyful no matter what the situation. So, why do I get to have cancer? I don’t get that at all. Mike said its stress and the way my body internalizes the incredible amount of stress I have been in for most of my adult life, but we all have stress like that, but only some of us get sick. Makes you wonder. I guess one size does not truly fit all and we can never understand the intricacies of the human body. I take an aspirin and you take an aspirin and we would never metabolize or react exactly the same. Our bodies and minds are true miracles of God. All we can do is take what we get and live our lives the best we can. We can not know the mysteries of God or the big universal plan of life.

I have to take a few minutes to brag on my daughter. She is such a great young lady and most of you know that we are very close and I am incredibly proud of her. She is just one of those women that people love. I think that the dancing and Debra Rogo get to take a lot of credit for who she has become, because Debra isn’t just teach dancing, she is raising strong independent women who happen to dance. And all these years spent at the dance studio under her tutelage was time well spent. It gave her a poise, grace and confidence that the average 17 year old doesn’t have. She was also lucky enough to spend time traveling with me on Board activities and as 12 years old was having dinner with CEO’s and doctors and having to interact with them as a young adult. I remember one story that I have to share. We are at a 5-star resort in Palm Springs and I have a dinner meeting with the Board. So she is on her own for dinner to order room service or whatever. Well, all the spouses are going to dinner and they decide they have to take Peyton. Let me tell you, she was the hit of the dinner. They absolutely loved her, and talk about a proud mama. How can you not be proud when you have all these people telling you about how your 12 year old held her own at a dinner with a bunch of adults, influential adults, that she barely knew. She has repeated that many times over the years, and I always think, wow, what a kid, I don’t know if I could have done that at 12 years old. So anyway, back to what I was talking about.

Its pink week at school and my daughter has spoke at two different assemblies about how cancer has affected her personally, both my brother’s almost 10 years ago and mine 4 years ago and most recently now, and how important it is to raise awareness of the disease and most importantly, to raise money for our local cancer center and cancer research. While I was not able to see the assemblies, the first one was the whole school and she didn’t want me there to make her nervous and the second one was at 6am and I had to be at work, I heard about it from people who saw her and she went over her speech with me and wow, am I am beaming proud! She made people cry, she tugged at their heartstrings, she made them think, she let them in to her life and to who she is and shared a piece of herself for the greater good. How awesome is that?! I am truly blessed to have her in my life and she is like sunshine on a cloudy day. She is not perfect, I still can’t get her to clean her room to my standards (ack!) but the issues I deal with are so minor because all her goodness just shines through.

Ok, enough bragging about my daughter and worrying about my son. I love them both with all my heart and they bring different joys and experiences to my life. I am a better person because of them. We have all raised each other. It was a group effort. When you parent on your own, you all raise each other, since that is all you have. I made a lot of mistakes, but I did a lot of stuff right too. My kids both have compassionate hearts, and you can’t ask for more than that.

Well, its chemo day. At least I hope so, I think so. I am feeling much better than I did earlier in the week. I still have a tightness in my chest but the overwhelming tiredness is mostly gone and am just the normal chemo tired. I picked out my outfit last night, so I wouldn’t be stressing if I was running late this morning and have a little red skirt, brown sweater (gotta think, easy port access without stretching out the clothes) and these fabulous little leopard print shoes with red heels and a red bow and a tiny peep toe. No fancy name, just “style & co”. I was going to try to post a picture of them, but I’ve had them for years and I can’t find them on the internet. Suffice it to say, they are just freakin’ FAB!

Well I’ve rambled on for long enough! Dose two, round five, here I come!