Love and inspiration.

Where do you find inspiration?

Love inspires me. The love of a dog for its master, a mother for her child, a woman for her lover, a child for their parent, a grandparent for their grandchild, a friend for a friend. Love has so many faces and wears so many hats. The face of love is sometimes tranquil and sometimes filled with passion but always carries with it a sense of peace and belonging. Love cannot carry a grudge, it does not know how, for it overcomes our petty transgressions and replaces them with a tenderness we did not know we had. Love does not resent other love, but links arms with it and marches forward creating a larger deeper love than was there before. Love never regrets, for it knows that it can conquer all through its prowess, fill all gaps and longings with its overwhelming sense of knowing. Love never apologizes for who it is and what it is meant to do. For love is love. It is pure and simple. It is not polite. It barges right in when it knows that its best interests would be served by being in charge. Taking over a situation and infusing it with a kindness and warmth that would otherwise be lost. Love keeps us patient when tempers want to flare and keeps us still when anger threatens to explode.

Love also has a darker side. For it knows when tenderness is not enough and our thoughts of reason are lost. That is when love puts on its armour and prepares for battle. For love knows that sometimes its must be strong enough to make the hard decisions. Love knows when it must guide you down a path that you may not want to walk, but loves source will carry you through. Love is not weak, it is durable and resilient, and it will hold you up through the rough waters, protecting your heart from irreparable harm, shielding your spirit and guarding your soul. For it is in the darkest of time when love wells up from deep within you and fills you with a sense of peace, knowing that the face of love is directing your actions. Though on the surface they may seem unkind, underneath it is love that you know makes you strong and sometimes, love must say “no”, even when it is painful to speak. Love is not only strong, it is tough, and it carries within it a voice of reason, seeking only to do what it right, even in the face of all that is lost. So, let it guide you. Let love be your guide. Let it be your inspiration. Let it carry you through when all hope seems lost. For in love we find our solace.

I have such a deep love for so many people and so many things. Sometimes my heart would threaten to explode for its fullness for the more I give, the more I receive and I am filled to overflowing, but the capacity for love keeps growing. Love is like that…you give it and it keeps coming back, like a boomerang, only it comes back bigger and stronger and more filled until it is spilling over everywhere, running down the sides of your heart and infusing everything it is path with its enthusiasm for life and living.

So love is what will get me through this trial. I saw my son yesterday and it is love that got me through the visit with him and it is love that will carry me through the tough decisions that I will have to make in order to see him through this ordeal. It is out of my hands now and I have a sense of peace of what I must do. It is time for me to step away and let the consequences of his actions carry him to his destiny. For he has made the choices that have brought him to where he is and his choices will carry him through to his next destination. It is not up to me to help him or recue him, for it is time for him to stand on his own two feet and face the world on his own. Its hard for a parent to let go under normal circumstances, but to let go when a child is facing so much trouble, well that can only be done by a monumental act of love. So I will continue to love him, always, but its time to let the future unfold before me.

I have my last regularly scheduled chemo today. So, this is the plan. Chemo today. Kick butt, fight, get every last vestige of cancer left. Monday I have my CT. This is a huge deal. This is THE CT of the treatment, the big kahuna, the most important one. PRAY FOR CLEAR! If the CT is CLEAR, then I will do one more round of chemo for “good measure” (three weeks) and then be done. However…if it is only “relatively clear” then I will do one more round for good measure and “take a break from chemo for awhile.” I do not know how long that break would be, it would depend on how “relatively clear” my CT was. Of course, if it is not clear at all…well then all bets are off and I do not know what the next steps are, those would have to be determined at that time. But I know that is not going to happen. Because we are praying for CLEAR. Not “relatively clear” but CLEAR.

CLEAR CLEAR CLEAR CLEAR CLEAR CLEAR CLEAR CLEAR.

Did you get the prayer message? In case you didn’t, its CLEAR.

Okay, go out there my loving and faithful prayer warriors who fill me to capacity with their love and devotion.

Pray for CLEAR.