So very tired again.

Well its Tuesday morning, a work day, and I'm sitting in front of my fireplace trying to figure out if I'm going to go to work today. I know that shouldn't even be a question, I mean, why wouldn't I go to work, right? But that is how crappy I am feeling. I am battling an overwhelming exhaustion that I cannot shake. I seem to think that if I get up and moving, I'll feel better, so I try that and it doesn't work. Going up the stairs seems to be more effort than its worth (except for the fact that the bathroom is up there) and it is only 10 stairs. I tried to walk the dogs around the block last night and it took monumental effort to just go that short distance. My body is aching horribly and I kept getting these awful stomach pains in the wee hours of the morning. I took some Zophran (anti-nausea, don’t you love that name?) and that pain has finally subsided and I am left with the exhaustion and the achiness.

When I was talking to Sara yesterday she asked me if the world would end if I put my head under the covers for a day or two. I mean really, what would happen? Would anyone notice? Probably. Would they care? Definitely. Would they mind? No. They wouldn’t mind if I checked out for a day or two. I think everyone has been waiting for me to do just that, and I haven’t been very accommodating. I have been plugging along despite everything and missing very little. I stay on my work schedule, I cook, I clean, I take care of my family. I do everything I am supposed to do. But maybe that has caught up with me. Maybe I just can’t do it this week. I am too tired, my body is just wiped out and it wants rest rest rest.

So I will do whatever my body tells me to do. I’ll get up and around and we’ll see what happens. If I can’t make it to work today, well then, I can’t do it, and I’ll stay home and rest. And if I’m able to make it to work, well then, that’s okay too. I think we spend our lives thinking that if we are sick and can’t go to work or school or do our chores that the world will come to an end, but that is so far from true. The world keeps spinning with or without us and the best thing that we can do is to step off the carousel and take care of ourselves. Each one of us is vital to the universe and each one of us contributes to the universal energy and when we are down, we pull everyone around us down. So maybe the best thing to do when we aren’t feeling well is to go back to bed, pull the covers over our heads and get well!

As for today, keep pulling for me and keep the prayers coming my way. I know that this too shall pass and it is simply a side effect of the chemo. I will feel better eventually. Maybe all my meds will kick in and I’ll get out and about today, but then again, maybe not. The day will unfold as it is supposed to and time will tell. In the meantime, I’m going to do the thing that most sane, rational, American’s don’t do when they are sick. I’m going back to bed.

See ya.